(As our tale begins, we see Methos; While MacLeod is in seclusion in Tibet, he thinks upon how all of his Horsemen Brothers are finally dead; Then, screams are heard)Methos: What the devil...?
(Sees a crowd)
Officer: All right folks, move along, nothing to see here!
Methos: Nothing to see here? Officer, that man's been trampled to death.
Officer: Oh, well, I guess there is something to see here. But he was an old man, anyway.
Methos: Old? He's 30, if he's a day (Methos senses the victim is not an Immortal)
Officer: Oh, yeah, Mr. Smartypants? Then how come this note says: "A warning to the Oldest?" Hmmm?
Methos: You moron! What is your name?
Officer: Gee, that's a good question...I'll have to think on that one!
(Waddles off)
Methos: You, my friend, were not just trampled. This was done by an expert. But surely--he's dead! (His cell phone rings)
1st voice: Methos, its me! He's gone nuts! He's........aaaaahhahhhaaaaaah!!!
2nd Voice: Helllllooooo, Brotthhehher! Remember me? You were wise to hide from me, Meeeetthhoooos. But you got sloppy! I was at a hay bar and caught a few episodes of a show callled Hiiiiigghhhhlander. Krooooonoss and the others are dead, but you and the girl are still around. Watch where you walk, Meetthhhoos!
Methos: (His face aghast) Not......HIM!!!!!
(Hurriedly, Methos tries to find Cassandra before its too late)
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(Phone rings)
Cassandra: This had better be good, Methos! I had 5 young future Champions scheduled for flashing today! Did I mention that I hate you? Also, can we go someplace with a decent Grilled Chicken Caesar Salad?
Methos: That was a fast response.
Cassandra: Well, I have a friend at the paper, for furniture sales, and like that. Why have you violated our fragile truce, after I spared your miserable head?
Methos: Well, you see....Wait, you didn't spare me. Macleod threatened to kill you if you took me. You ran off, quite bitter, and cursed us both!
Cassandra: There were many reasons why I spared you......
Methos: Enough of that! Listen---He has returned.
Cassandra: Oh, no. Not this whole Richie thing again. Look, I saw the episode--it was on the same week as that horrid Roseanne finale. The kid is doornail plus!
Methos: Didn't you hate the way that John Goodman's character was just---never mind. No, not Richie, or Kronos, or even Frog. Its just little old---EDWARD!!!!
Cassandra: Edward---Methos, you had sworn that he was destroyed!
Methos: I know. Will you help me finish him?
Cassandra: All right, but no pulling my shower down like you and Silas did!
Methos:????--Cassandra, that was Sally Kellerman in MASH!!!
Cassandra: You know Sally Kellerman?
Methos: Just get over here.
(From MacLeod anteroom emerges Cassandra)
Methos: You know, we ARE living together, here at MacLeod. Why did I have to place that ad and call you up like that?
Cassandra: Talk to the hand!
(A hand emerges from a box)
Methos: Thing, will I ever figure her out?
(Thing shakes his hand, then closes the box behind him)
Cassandra: Come, lets go find....OH, NO!
(Through the plate glass window comes a riderless horse; Methos stares at him)
Methos: Hello, Edward!
Horse: You traitor! You call me----MISTER ED!
Methos: (Trying to calm him) Of Course, Of Course!
Cassandra:So, Edward! The wound I gave you remains. You sound quite hoarse for a horse.
Methos: You monster! How dare you return now?
Edward: Yeah, well listen to this---SOOON YOU WILL BE DEAD!!!
Cassandra: Kronos hung on this monster's every syllable--said Edward was his inspiration for evil!
Methos: Its true. Kronos had little use for words. People would yackety-yak a streak and waste his time of day.
Edward: Ah, but I was wise--I never spoke---unless I had something to say.
Cassandra: You used to drive Caspian further into madness, by clamming up whenever he tried to show you off.
Methos: What are you here for, Edward?
Edward: Oh, revenge upon you for selling me to Elmerus GlueAllUs. That, and I have a plan to contaminate the city's drinking water!
Methos: Just how do you plan to do that?
Edward: I'm a horse, A HORSE!
Methos: Of Course, Of Course. Speeeewww!!
Cassandra: Yeah, thanks for sharing.
Methos: Edward, you can't kill us. I know the location of the others. The Four ManHorses can ride again!
Edward: That's lame, Methos! I already called them together. ManHorses! Show Yourselves!
Francis The Talking Mule: Its good to be trampling the world neath my shoed hooves again!
Trigger: It won't be Happy Trails For You two!
Silver: I want some Oldest soufflé to go with my Kemosabe breakfast and Indian Cornbread!
(Methos and Cassandra stand back to back)
Cassandra: What will we do, Methos! Their evil was always the basis for your own.
Methos: True, Cassandra. They are bigger, and stronger, than ourselves. But I see one slim chance---one advantage we might have.
Cassandra: And that is?
Methos: We can wield swords, and they can't!!
Cassandra: Methos! That's so crazy it just might work!
(After a fierce--and horrifically smelly battle-The ManHorses ride no more)
(Sparks and lightning fly between Methos and Cassandra, who then collapse)
Cassandra: Methos? Did we slice into the fuseboxes again?
Methos: Yeah, I think so. Damn, I hate when that happens.
(Outside the window, a horse gallops away)
Methos: Who was that?
(We see Joe Dawson in the elevator)
Joe: That was Misty of Chincoteauge--their Watcher. Listen, I'll clean up here. Methos, take my classic Model T and get yourselves something to eat.
(They leave, and clamber into the Model T)
Cassandra: I wonder if the radio works?
Radio: This is heavy-metal station KRNS---hello, Cassandra. Hello, Methos. Strap yourselves in, kiddies. Its going to be a bumpy ride!
(Despite these words, the Model T barely moves; Cass and Meth are too shaken to jump out)
Cassandra: Oh, Methos--this car is---
Methos: Is possessed by ----
Cass+Meth: KRONOS!!!!!!!!!
Coming Next Week: My Brother The Car