NOVEMBER 1ST, 2001, 1:30 AM

The Diaries Of Dawn Summers

So Halloween was over, but we didn't head straight home. Word was, an old infestation had cropped up in a town near Sunnydale. Non-mystic, but still nasty.

"You will join us."

The dead-eyed things came at us, but stakes through the hearts of plant-thingies stop water flowing, same as blood. Worse, they got Buffy to talking. Geez. I'd rather be back with my dusted boyfriend than endure this.

"Join you? You guys are no better than vamps. You don't even use the original bodies. Just dupes. So you might kill us, but we won't join you."

When one of them saw us, they would scream like crazy. That always earned them a crossbow bolt from Xander, at Buffy's nod. He really hates loud screaming, courtesy of his dys-func folks. But they got her talking again, and I know I'd rather deal with the screaming.

"Ummm...you're supposed to be pointing us out? H-llo? Note to snatch-a-byes : Screaming out makes a Slayer's job reallllly easy."

"Eventually, you need to sleep. Then we will have you."

Buffy looked at Willow, who has been throwing around magic like a Beverly Hills teen with Daddy's Platinum plastic.

"No. Way. My friend here can cast a spell that lets us get by on a second of sleep per year, if need be. And she made us proof against your tender little tendrils, anyhow."

Well, Tara actually did that last part, but she never gets enough credit. Finally, an army of them surrounded us, never having a freaking clue in their collective so-called mind.

Snatchers.

"Face it, Slayer. Your emotions leave you vulnerable. We have none."

Buffy.

"Which you regularly boast about, with evident pride."

Snatchers.

"You do have to sleep, even with sorcery. We never do."

Buffy.

"As if. My old biology instructor said that plant life has some of the most significant down time of any living thing. Like--winter? Even in a warm climate, there are variations that induce hibernation periods. We'll be waiting for those. With strong emotion."

Snatchers.

"You are a disunified species. But we are not mammals. Among plant species, there is peace."

Buffy.

"The cable went out. Xander and Spike fiddled with the old antenna. All we got was PBS. And I quote : 'Every Blade Of Grass Fights And Kills Every Other Blade, Just To Become A Seed.' You people fight each other before you're born and long after you're dead. Now--go home."

And go home they did, looking angry and ashamed as they reverted and found their ships. I don't think they'll ever be coming back. To those invaders seeking to take this plane of existence or just this planet, heed the following warning, as I have learned to :

My sister Buffy is The Slayer. She has a mouth, and she is very willing to lecture you with it. So don't mess.