PSA
---------What If America Wasn't America?
Buffy walked up to the library counter to check out her list of books.
"I need these."
The matronly librarian glared.
"These books are no longer available. May I have your name?"
Buffy pulled back her fist, and sent the impostor flying.
"Yeah. Like anybody checks out enough books in this town for Big Brother to care."
Two MIB's approached.
Please come with us."
hey were on the floor rapid-amente.
"I'm thinking not."
Buffy called Willow and Giles to see about reality spells, then Xander to meet her with a cache of weapons. It was going to be a long day.
What If America Wasn't America?
Then the Slayer would kick ass until it got back into shape.
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Xander Goes To Dell
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The Harmony-esque young women belittled their male companions.
"Hey, guys? Maybe we can have a room with snacks, and call it a snack--room."
Xander didn't care much for either bunch, but felt compelled to step forward.
"Excuse, please. Are you riding them because they suggested policies that Dell already has in place?"
"Well--duh!"
Their giggling rolled right off the Scooby-carpenter. Xander raised a finger.
"Before this campaign, who was the Dell spokesperson?"
"Uh, ya know, that guy..."
"He's from American Pie, or at least he looks like the guy from Ameri..."
Xander nodded.
"It was the 'Dude, You're Getting A Dell' dude, right?"
"I guess."
Xander shrugged.
"You have him as a spokesperson, and then you honestly have the nerve to wonder why no one knows your policies?"
The commercial broke up after that.
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Willow Anticipates
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As Carly Simon played on the stereo, the man struck at his catsup bottle. His wife then offered him a plastic-squeeze bottle. But when he used it to strike at the bottle, she slapped his head and stopped the stereo.
Willow stepped in.
"Listen, commercial-writing people? What is up with this guy-slapping and stomping? Don't we want less of the hitting all-around? I mean, this isn't gonna bring any equity. I like guys--well, not like I used to, or as much as I used to in the same way sort of kind of--but they're not all Curly Howard or Ted Bundy. Turn off Lifetime once in a while. He'll get arrested at the end, alright?"
She turned to the husband.
"Why were you using the plastic bottle to hit the glass one?"
He pointed.
"Cause I hate plastic bottles. Nothing ever tastes right, and they're not good for the environment."
Willow nodded.
"I am sooo there. Hey, do you have a good Carly Simon collection?"
"She-she helps me relax when I eat."
Willow gathered up the CD's.
"Come with me to my house. We'll eat and listen there--with none of the hitting."
The husband got up to leave. His wife tried to stop him.
"You do realize she's a..."
"Yes, dear. But we Carly-lovers share a bond that goes beyond such things."
As she sat dejected, he tossed her a copy of 'The Spy Who Loved Me'.
"Watch. Listen. Learn."
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Dawn And The Lizard
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There was a knock on the door of the Summers' home.
Dawn opened the door, and saw a small lizard standing upright.
"Hello, young lady. Are your parents home? I'm here representing my insurance company."
Dawn laughed out loud.
"You HONESTLY want to cover property damage here? HERE?!"
Still laughing, Dawn shut the door. The lizard walked away, vowing this would be the last home he'd bother with in this town. He got back in the car.
"Well, she didn't need to be rude about it."
The chihuahua who was driving the car tried to comfort his friend.
"Its like I told you, man. Sunnydale is just weird. De Nada. Lets go get some good Chinese."
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Silly Anya
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The cruel children arbitrarily took the cereal box away from the starving animal.
"You know the rules!"
But Anya moved in, and pulled on it.
"I don't like rabbits. But this one won your stupid little competition, fair and square. Now give it up!"
The kids smiled, and one poured the box's contents onto the ground.
"Guess he can't have any."
Anya remembered one of Xander's silly anime shows, and looked at the rabbit, who weakly whispered : "Do It."
The screaming children were converted into fruit flavored corn puffs, their contents refilling the box. Anya saw him eat his fill.
"Don't thank me. I didn't do that for you. What will you do now, though?"
The rabbit shrugged.
"Now that I have my strength back, I have a friend I need to check into detox/rehab."
Anya nodded.
"Heroin?"
The rabbit shook his head.
"No. Chocolate Puffs."
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Giles' First Meal Of The Day
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Giles disgustedly poured the forty bowls of cereal that he had not asked for on the cafeteria floor.
"Madame, I did not ask for the nutritional equivalent of your preferred cereal. Now give me exactly one bowl of that cereal."
But just then, fate stepped in. A blue poltergeist entered. Behind him was a pinkish-red undead reanimated creature. Entering next was an odd-looking vampire dressed in brown. He raised his arms.
"You are now one and all the subjects of----"
Giles winced. He knew what was coming.
"CHOCULA!!!!"