A FEW MONTHS BEFORE GRADUATION DAY, 1999

"You're WHAT?"

Angel shrugged.

"Its only a germ of a thought right now. But I am thinking of clearing out of Sunnydale, once and for all. Its been on my mind since Spike showed his face again."

"Why tell me, of all people?"

Angel looked him in the eye.

"Because you lied to her. Because you told her that Willow said to kick my--or Angelus'--ass. That to my mind means you alone had the clarity of thought to remind the Slayer of her duty and the love for Buffy to want to keep her alive."

Xander looked down.

"You're making it sound noble. It wasn't. You'd been after all of us for months, and I wanted you gone. Where you couldn't hurt her again."

Angel bade him look back up.

"Exactly. Do you remember when I first reverted? Seeing all of you in the High School?"

"Kind of hard to forget. I practically put my neck in your mouth."

Angel nodded.

"Angelus had this elaborate plan in motion. All of it was predicated on you reacting badly to me. It was supposed to go that all the others would object to you saying something against me, and he would play it like that. But you suddenly were happy to see me. Angelus nearly laughed out loud."

Xander threw up his arms.

"So sue me. I decided to finally be a man about this whole thing. Buffy loves you. I decided to be happy for her, and maybe eventually for you. And it nearly got me and maybe all of us dead."

"Right. Xander, Buffy trusts me even when she shouldn't. The others follow her lead in that. I can't afford to have the woman I love without a sobering voice that repeats those painful but necessary words, over and over: At the end of the day, Angel is still a vampire."

Xander shook his head.

"I already look like enough of a jerk. I blew Willow off forever. I destroyed what I had with Cordelia. I had my first time with someone who showed me so little regard, I may actually hate her more than I ever hated you. I even went out freaking joyriding and got used by a zombie gang! Angel, I don't think you should go. Buffy needs you, you make her happy. Willow can maybe find a way so that you can---so you can. And I'll help. I'll run messages between you during the day. I've caused and I've seen enough misery associated with love to say screw how I feel--let the one great love in this stinking town go forward, and let me help it instead of playing the eternal buttmunch!"

Angel's gaze was set in stone.

"Then you've just killed Buffy. Because as sure as we're both standing here, eventually, Buffy will again trust me when she shouldn't. She might even follow me if I try to leave. Xander, I need to go away, and become a better man. For myself, and for her. I can't have her there while I'm doing it. She needs you to remind her that these ginger-ale sipping, buffalo-wing eating, chatty, urbane fun-loving creatures are still demons. It may seem like she can do that herself, but its one of her blind spots. Its in that spot that you stand guard."

Xander shrugged.

"What do you want me to do?"

"What you've been doing. If you have a problem pushing me away, then think of it as pushing Angelus away. If and when I make my final choice..."

"Sounds like you may have made it already."

Angel paused for a moment, then pushed his words to the back burner.

"If and when I make my final choice, I need you to celebrate. Jump for joy. Say riddance to rubbish. The whole spiel."

"Yeah. Doing that'll place me high on Buffy's list. I may have to get out of town after that number."

Angel nodded.

"She won't like you. But she will think about why you said all those things--all the valid reasons that she won't act to remind herself of. You say you want to help us out? Then help give us a clean break, if and when. Because the only real hope of us happily-ever aftering someday is if she goes back in with eyes wide open."

Around the corner came Buffy, and she was struck by the odd scene.

"What're you two talking about?"

Xander looked at Angel, then at Buffy.

"I was just suggesting that maybe Australia is nice this time of year. Or Montana. Or New Jersey. Or anyplace that is him, not in Sunnydale."

Xander stalked off. Buffy bit her lip before speaking.

"I'd apologize for him, but I don't much see the point. I haven't seen him acting that bad since I first got back from playing Anne."

Angel pshawed the whole thing.

"Xander is who he is. He is who and what he needs to be."

And in her laugh and her smile, Angel saw that she had again forgotten all the dangers, and all the evil. And he hoped and prayed that a man named Xander would always keep his promise.