DURING "FC"

Picard: Come, Data! We'll cross this corridor and...

Borg Drone: None Shall Pass!

Data: This makes no sense, Captain! The Borg drone makes no move against us, except to deny us passage!

BD: None shall pass!

Picard: Look, you've proven your value to the Collective! But either attack us or let us through!

(Borg Drone suddenly and inexplicably fries five fellow drones,
attempting to go in the same direction)

BD: None shall pass!

P: Data, has he got "issues" or something?

D: I believe it is malfunctioning, Sir! Perhaps his shields are inoperative, as well!

(Data then fires his phaser at the BD's pincer arm; the arm vanishes)

P: Good, that's done with! (CP tries to go through, but BD's remaining arm bats him back)

BD: None shall pass!

D: Sorry, sir! His body-shield remains up, but perhaps on a different part...

(Data then phasers off the BD's other arm)

D: Now, sir, to quote Captain Scott, he should no tribble at...owwwww, my foot!

(Highly adaptive, the BD now has a spiked foot, with which it has just kicked Data's foot)

BD: None shall Pass!

CP: You Moron! Both your arms are gone! You are now irrelevant!

BD: This drone remains unharmed! Except for minor epidermal damage, this unit operates at 100% efficiency.

D: Most illogical. You are not operating at or near 100% efficiency, and I fear even a Tellarite would not call two missing arms minor epidermal damage!

BD: Irrelevant! None Shall Pass!

(Data then phasers off the leg with the spikes on it. BD remains steadfast)

BD: None shall Pass! (Hops back and forth across corridor, getting really annoying. Picard blows off remaining leg)

BD: I am Borg ! None shall Pass! I am Borg!

D: No, you are possessed of a mental aberration. You are what is referred to as a bleeding looney!

(CP and D pass; BD, now a stump, wiggles furiously)

BD: Return! Return! I still posses razor-sharp incisors, that will tear your ankles to shreds! YOU YELLOW BASTARDS!

CP: (Turns, and then cuts the cheese in BD's face) I am French! I fart in your general direction!

(BD dissolves)

CP: Well, that may have been declasse', Data, but.....

(Data is out cold, his olfactory sensors having overloaded)

CP: (Sees more drones) Oh, no! More Borg!

1st Drone: We are no longer the Borg Collective! We are now the
Species-who-until-recently-said-Nee!
 

CP: You'll not assimilate me!
 

1st Drone: Your distinctiveness, your knowledge AND your shrubbery will
be made to service us! Now give us the ships access codes!

CP: The CPU access codes or the self-destruct access codes?

1st Drone: We - we do not posses such knowledge.... (Hull breach; The
Borg are sucked out; it reseals)

Data: (Awakens) Very good, sir!

CP: You have to know these things, when you're a Captain!

Lily: Jean-Luc! There You Are! I need your help! You see, I and all my friends - all reasonably attractive underemployed actresses aged 32 to 37 and 1/2 - have been very, very naughty! I fear we shall need to be punished!

CP: Mr. Data! Attend to the Borg! I shall deal with these –naughty girls!

Data: And there was much rejoicing!

--------------------

Earth's Surface

Cochrane: You guys keep telling me about the "Great" Zefram Cochrane! Well, I don't want all this! I never wanted any of this! I just wanted to Zoom, off to Alpha Centauri, with me best Companion by my side, there to sing....

(We hear the sound of about 50 phasers being turned on, all aimed at Cochrane. Riker is holding one, as well)

Riker: Don't Even THINK about another variation on "The Lumberjack Song"!

Troi: Yeah, get back to work! GET ON WITH IT!

Next Week: The Holy Hand-Phaser of Antioch

          -------->   THE LARCH    /^^\