(We see Deep Space Nine. Every corridor and deck is swamped with Captains. The main five or six plus all the background Captains, as well)

Narrator: This is Deep Space Nine, a typical rural community out on the edge of the Final Frontier.

(We see Kirk)

N: This is James T. Captain, a typical resident of this sprawling megalopolis.

K: Hi guys!

(Waving hello are Sisko, Picard, and Janeway)

N: These are his close friends and relations, Jean-Luc Captain, Benjamin Captain, and Kathryn Captain.

S: Nice fellow, that James T. Captain.

P: Yes, but he's so meek and mild-mannered, it scares me!

J: I don't know. Sometimes I think he's hiding something—something big!

S + P: HIM!!?

P: Ben Captain, let's laugh dismissively at Kathryn Captain's suggestion.

S: Capital Idea, Jean-Luc Captain!

P+S: Snicker, snicker, snicker!

J: Hmmph!!

Narrator: But indeed, James T. Captain does have an amazing secret identity, as we shall soon see.

Matt Decker: Will, start the Runabout!

Will Decker: Okay, Dad!

(Turns the power, lights go out)

M+W: OH, NO!!! Our runabout won't runabout!

(On the screen appears the female shapeshifter, cackling)

Shape: HA! Without your runabouts, you are all helpless! Soon we villainous types will conquer the Galaxy!

J, S, and P: Whatever Shall We Do?

K: Hey, look out at the wormhole!

(For some reason, they all do. Kirk changes into an engineering jumpsuit and dons a hat and moustache)

RR: Scuse me, guvs!

All: Runabout Repairman!? But How?

Garth of Izar: Was that a transwarp vessel?

Calhoun: NO! It was Runabout Repairman. Godspeed, Sir!

(Kirk makes for the Deckers' Runabout, and has the thing working very quickly)

Will D: Dad!!!

Matt D: Yes, son. We owe our lives to this mighty hero!

Shape: Curses! Foiled again by my archenemy!

Matt: Sir, however shall we repay you?

RR: No need, Cap'n! Its all in a day's work for---Runabout Repairman.

(Kirk changes back, rejoins the others)

K: Hey, Captains. Did I miss anything?

S: Catch James T. Captain, Jean-Luc Captain!

P: Yes, Benjamin Captain. He was probably hiding til this whole thing blew over!

J: Come to think of it, James T. Captain is never around when our hero shows up. James T. Captain?

K: Yes, Kathryn Captain?

J: Could you fix my door?

K: What? Kathryn Captain, what do you think I am---Runabout Repairman?

(Kirk winks at audience)

(As we leave, we see Morn exit Quark's; Inside, all the waiters and customers and other staff have slaughtered each other in a frenzy; We hear Morn finally speak)

Morn: Good thing I didn't tell Quark about the dirty knife!