(As we enter the House Of Sarek, we see that it is in fact a dingy little flat; Sarek is a bit burlier, with a British accent; Amanda is a man in a dress; Spock is his 'normal' self)

Sarek: Well, son. Its off to StarFleet Academy with you! The latest in a long line of Vulcans leaving this wretched, horrid desert world for better places. Oh, Vulcan makes me want to spit! Out in space, and tearing the Prime Directive into little tiny pieces, now that's the life for me!

Amanda: Ohh, Muy, Yes. I expect to have many hundreds of illegitimate grandchildren running around the galaxy very soon. Yew should hear Brianna Kirk go on and on about the thousands her Jimmy has been squirtin' out. An away mission in his head, his privates up some green bird's reproduces. (Swats Spock) Don't you love me? Cahn't yew at least knock up T'Prang fore you go to the Academy? That'd give me somethin' to play with whilst the Ambassador finds some new buggies to make peace with.

Sarek: Woman, they are not buggies! They are goaties! Gorblimey, she's as thick as a Tellarite's 5 O'Clock Shadow!

Spock: All this is illogical. I do not care for T'Prang. Brianna exaggerates. I do not wish to go to StarFleet Academy. And you, mother, are a man in a dress.

Sarek: (Swats him) Hey, now! That's a saucy way to talk at your own mother! And you, young man, WILL get T'Prang in a family way fore you leave for the Academy. Why, all her friends are preggers, and there's talk of scandal! Wait, what's all this about not joining StarFleet? What do you intend to do with all your life? Lolly about with your 'Logical' friends?

Spock: Actually, yes. I intend to join the Vulcan Science Academy.

Amanda: Horrors, Nooo! At the Vulcan Science Academy, they're a bunch of faeries and cross-dressers!

Spock: Again, Mother! You Are A Ma...

Amanda: None of your cheekiness!

Sarek: Oh, let him go off and stay on Vulcan his whole bloody life. Go and study "Science" and "Technology". Yoou are no son of mine!

Amanda: Mine, either!

Sarek: Well, of course he isn't, dearest, you are a man in a dress.

Amanda: Oh, yes, I keep forgetting. Oh, Spock, if you couldn't join StarFleet, why couldn't you at least be a religious fanatic like your brother Sybok? What will I tell my friends?

Spock: That they, too, are men in dresses.

Sarek: Well, we're a bit of obsessed with that, aren't we, Spock? You "stay-on-Vulcan" types turn my stomach! Now get out! I'm about to Pon Farr, and I need to find a woman wearing a man's tuxedo! (He leaves)

Spock: A most curious creature. Why did you marry him?

Amanda: Oh, e' ad a good rump, back when

            10 years later

 Sarek: (Writing and Speaking) Dear Spock, I wish to apologize for....No, No, No I Don't wish to apologize now. Go on.

          20 years later

Sarek: Dear Spock, I wish to...wait, is this 20 years after the fight, or 20 years after the last letter? I got a right to know these things, ya know!
 

20 years after the fight, but 10 years after the rather vapid 1st letter

Sarek: Oh, so its like that, is it? Well, bugger off, the lot of you!

(Spock walks in)

Spock: You wish to see me, Father?

Sarek: How's ya know?

Spock: BBC3 called, and told me about this sketch

Sarek: Oh, well that's good of em'. Spock, I heard tell that your illegitimate, half-Romulan daughter is knocked up by Kirk's son by his brother's wife. Is all this true?

Spock: Yes, Father, it is. They also have no plans to marry.

Sarek: (Embraces him) Son! Oh, I misjudged your friends! They seem to be people of good character. Say, howzabout a little Slash? Go and put on one of your Mother's old dresses!

Spock: (Is shocked, then smiles) Oh, what the hell. Leonard needn't know.

Narrator: And now, the highly moral version of that same ending.

Spock: I'm sorry, Father, but there will be no 'Slash'  as you call it. I simply cannot engage in such aberrant activities. After all, I have no desire to hurt or otherwise betray Leonard.

Sarek: I'm sorry, my son. What was I thinking? But say, I have your mother's body on ice....what say we fire up the grill and cook her up?

Spock: Well...I am feeling a bit peckish.

Dear BBC Management: I must protest heartily the fact that this sketch has no real, conclusive............