(We see the officious Colonel walk out)

OC: See here--this, then, is the Parody entitled--'A Telling Blow' by Rob Morris. Hmmph. Seems rather a man as far behind as he should be concentrating on that whole dragon business, but then--who am I to say? All right---The Parodic Piece in question takes us to Veridian 3--- another piece set on Veridian 3? Fellows, the man died an onscreen death. Be rather good if you let him lie in peace. Well, I'm off.

(The 'camera' follows him as he goes)

OC: No, no. My work is done. Off with you. Camera--cut to---

Kirk: Did we do it-did we make a difference? Did we....uuuuhhh!

(Riker walks in)

Riker: Captain Picard--is that---

Picard: Yes, Number One. James T. Kirk briefly returned from the dead--only to die once again.

Kirk: I'm not dead.

Picard: To save the lives of countless individuals he will never meet--he gave his own life.

Kirk: I'm not dead.

(Picard looks down; frowns)

Picard: Mortally wounded, Starfleet's greatest Captain fights a losing struggle for life!

Kirk: I'm getting better.

Picard: He won't last long in his condition. Soon, the curtain shall fall on his brilliant career.

Kirk: I actually feel pretty darn good.

Picard: Number One---Your Sidearm.

(Riker gives him the phaser)

Picard: (Disintegrates Kirk) On the verge of recovery, his new life was brutally snuffed out quite unexpectedly!

Riker: I think I can recover a DNA fragment so Beverly can clone---

Picard: (Holds up phaser) Don't start, now.

(We go forward to DS9)

Harry Kim: (Restrains Paris from punching out Quark) Tom, let it go.

Paris: Okay. Fine.

Odo: What's going on here?

Quark: He was going to punch me, then he didn't.

Odo: See here, you two. How are we supposed to maintain order in these parts if you don't have a go at our merchants?

Quark: Don't you know who I am?

Narrator: We will now tell the story of The Ferengi Brothers, Rom and
Quark.

Kim: Wait--you can't tell me you want to change those two into The
Pirahna Brothers.

Paris: Yeah--that's a real stretch.

Odo: Well--at least knock some of his fangs out---be sports about it.

Security Officer: Odo, all's clear in my section.

Odo: And You Are?

SO: I'm Iwnt Anfelout----Of The Airlock.

All: I Went And Fell Out Of The Airlock?!

2nd SO: I'm Desi Criton--Of The Shrines

All: Desecration Of The Shrines?!

3rd SO: I'm Marm Aldi--On The Promenade.

All: Marmalade On The Promenade?!

(Man runs in)

Man: Its Alfuscl Invson!

All: A Ful-Scale Inv--

Odo: All right, we've worn this one thin.

(Janeway walks in)

Janeway: All right--who's with me for a flight to The Delta Quadrant--or have you all got things you'd rather do instead?

Chakotay: I was going to categorize the spirit guides.

Tuvok: Garak's is having a twofer on tuxes.

Paris: I was going to watch an episode of "Julian and those wacky Accelerates".

Torres: I was going to have some Vole Parmigiano.

Kim: I have a book I've been meaning to read.

Janeway: Is that so? Well, then--off with the lot of you---I'll go myself--be my own crew! Crewman Janeway?

CrJ: Yes, Captain Janeway?

CaJ: As of now--you're on all shifts.

CrJ: Bitch.

CaJ: First Officer Janeway--keep an eye on Crewman Janeway--I think she may be planning something.

FOJ: Captain Janeway, if I may suggest...

CaJ: Kate--don't push me on this one! Security Officer Janeway--escort First Officer Janeway to the brig.

FOJ: That won't be necessary, Captain. But be warned--one of these days--your style of Command will bring about a mutiny. Isn't that right, Morale Officer Janeway?

MOJ: Isn't it amazing what you can do with some roots and a little Vawjil Spice?

CaJ: Helmsman Janeway---take us out of here--Warp 6.

HlmJ: Yes, Maam!

EngJ: Captain Janeway--this is Engineer Janeway. I don't know how long we can maintain this pace before imploding or something!

Mary Sue Janeway: Captain, let my out-of-control mystic powers solve this dilemma!

Mary Sue Janeway, Version 2.1: No. Allow My Superior Knowledge And Lack Of Social Graces To Carry The Day.

Little Mary Sue Janeway: Hey--there's that important thing, that you said I should remind you of. That could save the day.

CaJ: Belay that. Navigator Janeway-- give us a Jackie Gleason riff on that horn! Jazz just might persuade our attackers to back off.

NavJ: Sorry, Captain. I left my horn in our quarters.

CaJ: Next time--you're busted down to Crewman--got me? Activate the Emergency Holographic Janeway.

EHJ: Captain, dire news---Cardassian Spy Janeway has sabotaged our systems.

CaJ: Block off all decks. She's not getting away this time!

(Onscreen appears Cardie Spy Janeway)

CSJ: I wouldn't do that if I were you, Captain--not unless you want your First Officer's unborn child to be harmed!

(The Voy crew observe all this)

Paris: One--they haven't even left yet. Two-----

Chakotay: Where did the other 12 Janeways come from?

(Picard and Riker arrive)

Sisko: Captain Picard--and Captain Picard! I see you've brought The Will Riker Twins As Well.

Riker: Captain--something's wrong.

Picard: I know, Will. For some reason, he can't see all six of us.

Sisko: There's someone here you all know--in both Federations, both Klingon Empires, and here on DS Nines. I give you--Captain James Kirk!

(Kirk walks out; Smiles)

Picard: But I atomized you!

Kirk: I survived.

Riker: Tell us how you survived.

All: Yes--tell us.

Kirk: I'll tell you---I want to sing it out!

(Music starts--Picard yells)

Picard: No--I won't have this!

All: He's going to tell--he's going to tell--he's going to tell--he's going to tell!!

Kirk: This Is Going To Be Big!

(Picard rushes for a ship at the airlock)

Picard: Phew! I'm safe.

(Sees 150 Janeways)

SOJ: Captain Janeway--this is Security Officer Janeway--we have an intruder-- definitely not one of us.

Picard: NOOOOOOOO!!!!!!

(Back on DS9)

Dukat: So you see, Ziyal--they told me not to build Terok Nor over the Great Gravity Well--that it would sink--and it did..So I built another--and it sank..then another, and it sank--so did the one after it--by now we were having trouble finding people to staff it....but then we built the Fifth Terok Nor....And That One Stayed Up! What do you think of that story?

Ziyal: Its........

(Next: Sisko goes on a mad hunt for Michael Ellis---aka The Larch)