Spike recounted his woes.

"Buffy won't have me. Harris beat me up. I still have the chip. Clem is out, looking to score a copy of 'Qatermass And The Pit'. The dirt-nappers are dumber than dirt."

He smiled.

"Aaah, at least I've hit dead bottom. There's nowhere to go from here, except...."

"Spikey!"  Spike's eyes rolled up, heaven-ward.

*Before you cast me into the lake of fire, there's questions I want answered, and she is bloody-well ten of them!*

"Hello, Harmony."

As her bra-less chest bounced just a bit under her shirt, Spike wondered if her bra-less brain did the same thing inside her skull. He then realized how dumb a question that was.

"Spikey, I brought you something. Its a little master plan I cooked up, although I can't really make use of it. But you'll cut me in when you rule, right?"

*I'll put a Spike-mask on her, record some insults about Anya, then shove her bound and gagged in Harris' direction. The git must be good for that, at least.*

"What's your plan, Harmony?"

Capped and polished teeth that needed neither showed as she smiled.

"Well, I was listening to the radio, and I learned all about the she-demon that caused the Great Flood. It was soooo way compelling."

Reeling from the thought that she would ever listen to an educational show, Spike kept back his comment.

"Go on."

"So, I recorded it--it was a brief piece, and decided to try and learn how to summon her. The Flood, Spikey! It'll be a Cowabung-A-pocalypse!"

*Maybe Harris has a cell-phone. We can scarf down an onion pizza before he kills me.*

"Harmony--the Flood wasn't caused by any she-demon, or he-demon. The Man Upstairs got ticked with his kiddies, and sent down the rains. Simple as all that."

Harmony then looked more confused than normal. This was a feat.

"You believe in...him?"

Spike shrugged.

"You know. If there's a hell, then there must be a...."

"K-Mart?"

Spike stared, thinking hard of how good sunlight would feel, right about then.

"Riiiggght! K-Mart. Harmony--leave your recording. I'll get back to you."

She put down the cassette tape, the empty smile never leaving her equally-so head.

"Just remember---I get Nevada!"

"Viva Las Vegas, luv."

She left, and Spike stared at the tape. One hour.

"I won't play it."

Two hours.

"I'll marry Riley before I'll listen to any 'research' done by Harmony Kendall."

Three hours.

"I'll send it off to Giles. Yeah. That'll get me in good with the Slayer. No it won't."

Four Hours.

"Now, on the one hand, Harris is a great sodding idiot. But Anya has to realize that the nuptials were all buggered by her former victim, and so technically....I'm not going to play it."

The fifth hour came, and he gave in, after a valiant effort to retcon Dawn into the whole Angelus cycle.

"Please don't be something stupid...something too stupid...oh, hell!"

As it played, he didn't scream, or cry. He just sat there dumbstruck, finding solace in pretending that Buffy had staked him after a row of passion. For what played was not precisely about a water-summoning she-demon.

*This Here's The Story Of A Girl...Who Cried A River And Drowned The Whole World...*