StarFleet Academy, 2284In gym-uniforms that were a functional and fashion cross between Karate ghis and L'rpddans, the couple known as 'The Kirk Twins' emerged onto the arena floor. They weren't twins, and were only siblings by adoption. In fact, the two were married.
Peter Claudius Kirk, nephew and bloodson of James, picked up a purple-tinged lirpa, signfying the very heaviest class of that ancient Vulcan weapon. He moved the hull-splitter effortlessly, and with all the grace of a lemataya about to strike.
Saavik Brianna Kirk, adopted daughter of James and unacknowledged blood daughter of Spock, picked up a light blue tinged lirpa. While three weight-classes down from her brother-husband's weapon, it was far easier to register multiple blows with, while maintaining one's own defense. And any good sehlat knew how to gut a greedy lemataya.
They had been meeting in this arena three times a week for ten weeks now. A small crowd had developed over time. Cadets Ryan Walton and Jessica Roesch provided newcomers with the lowdown. Walton started.
"Ok, now the guy is Peter Kirk, nephew of as-if-you-don't-know. The woman is his Vulcan wife, Saavik, the Captain's adopted daughter. They're married, but can't catch a break. Word is, they pissed offAdmiralty Hall. Not that anyone seems to be on the Hall's good side."
Cadet Roesch continued where her boyfriend left off.
"The bottom line : They can't get quarters together, for reasons nobody can figure. Like Ryan said, the good folk at the Hall like to play head games. Combine that with their studies, and you have a very lonely couple with no time together-- except now. The next half an hour should be--intense."
With a bow, the battle began. The Wife made a swipe directly at her husband's crotch with the blade end of her weapon. The Husband sailed over his wife's head, avoiding her arc and almost crushing her head with the blunt end of his weapon. She too avoided this blow, but in both instances it was a near thing. Walton breathed in and whistled.
"They've both been trained by Ambassador Sarek in the use of those monsters. Whatever other monsters they may want to use--is anybody's guess."
Ryan Walton was a good deal less prepared than the combatants for the punch that Jessica Roesch hit his arm with.
"Piggy! So this is sublimation. Lots of sublimation. Primeval sublimation. Bordering on pornographic sublimation."
As they bantered with the freshman cadet, Roesch and Walton also observed the battle grow ever more intense.
After five minutes of face-to-face dodging, parrying, spinning, and thrusting, Saavik pulled a surprise maneuver, and turned her back on Peter. Her weapon passing effortlessly behind her, she blocked every blow, no matter how much her husband pushed forward. He knew better than to fully enter this trap. Not when he had a very good one of his own.
Purposefully dropping to his knees with a thud, he startled her into turning around. From his new position, he both pressed his attack on her lower body and prevented her from sinking to his level. Carefully, Saavik kept him at a remove neither too close nor too far. When she almost caught him on the chin, Peter was forced to get up. Now it was her turn, using a failed foot-sweep on his part to fall hard to her knees. Her weapon began to whirl like a fan blade, and Peter seemed to go off balance.
"Jess, is he being blown around by the gust she's making?"
"No, honey. Its a trick. She's actually using the lighter weapon to pull the air away from him. Keeps him confused, and makes it hard to stay on his feet."
"Welll---yeah."
But Peter forced her closer, ending the fan blade movement. End after end, he brought his Lirpa down in a hard arc toward her upper torso. Saavik countered the motions by suddenly holding his blade in place on one of its downward arcs. Breaking loose, he found his wife jamming the blunt end forward to his face, keeping him on the defensive. Finally, it began.
The weapons moved like bamboo chutes, and neither gained the advantage in the furious bumping of sticks and grinding of metal. The whoosh of displaced air could be felt in all corners of the arena. Time was then called.
Peter bowed with his weapon, but found he could not spin it, as the center was neatly split. Saavik grinned at the sight of the bisected weapon. Jessica Roesch laughed out loud.
"Ha! She Broke His Stick!"
But as Saavik went to spin her Lirpa, the blunt and sharp ends simply fell off. She stared at this and her grin was replaced by the stunned look of one whose uniform was missing. It wasn't, but you couldn't tell that from Peter's smile. Or from Walton's.
"Welll, Normally, I'd say, 'He cut her two things off', but I have more class than that."
"Suuure you do, Thurman. Suuree, you do."
"Jess--that NICKName!"
"Hey, if it works...."
The combatants moved forward, and faced each other, a tie declared. Neither had touched the other. So to speak.
"Husband."
"Wife."
The crowd cheered as they spent five of their remaining fifteen minutes in a lip-lock before departing for the refresher areas and classes. The last of the spectators to leave were Roesch, Walton, and the new Vulcan cadet.
"So, guy--what did you think?"
"Yeah, I mean--Ryan and I have been waiting to see what a real Vulcan would think of this."
"I think it is an illogical, hormonal, gladiatorial display. Cadet Saavik should be reprimanded for her very public, very emotional, very disturbing relationship with her bondmate. Cadet Kirk seems to wish the media stereotype of his family were a reality. I shall ask you not to invite me here again. Good Day!"
They watched as the primeval stiff stalked off. Walton spoke for them both.
"Its settled, then. From now on, we don't invite Tuvok to anything."
Roesch nodded.
"Poor guy. I think he really needs to get away from it all. Maybe a boat ride on the Missisippi. From the northern end all the way down to the Delta."
"Well, he needs something. By the by, did you send Captain Kirk that recording of all this Pete requested?"
"Mmm-hmm. Wonder if he's had a chance to look at it yet?"
USS Enterprise, That Same Moment
A shaking Kirk hit the intercom.
"Commander Uhura, please report to my Ready Room---as soon as possible!"
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Dedicated to two patient friends and betas named Ryan Walton and Jessica Roesch, due to tie the knot this October.