( We see Duncan and Ann, not long after the birth of her child, out having dinner )
 
Waiter : Dessert, Madame?
 
Duncan : Go on, "Mommy". Anything you like!
 
Ann : Duncan! I just gave birth! I'm trying to shave a few pounds! That dessert tray is Fat City! I love chocolate, but...I'll have  to pass....Oh, what the hell!

( Just then, in burst the 3 Musketeers )
 
1st Muskeeteer : Put down that chocolate, dear lady!
 
2nd Musketeer : Its not the fat you want, but the chocolatey taste!
 
3rd Musketeer : Like in our silvery-wrapped candy bar!
 
Ann : ( Reaches for the mousse cake ) Sorry, guys, but I really do want to indulge, just this....HEY!
 
( One of the musketeers has kicked the dessert cart away; The other two wander the restaurant, harassing customers )
 
2nd M - No, no Sir! That Fettucine Alfredo is heart attack on a plate! It won't do!
 ( Pushes plate away )

3rd M - Children! That Free Popcorn is made with deadly Canola Oil! Eat some diced peppers, instead! Bring out --- the busboy!

( To Duncan's shock, the busboy is his old foe Kenny; He looks honestly scared )
 
Kenny : Help me, Macleod! I'll leave you be if you just get these goons off me!
 
Duncan : Kenny, who are these maniacs?
 
Kenny : They're---THE IMMORTAL FOOD POLICE! They have plans, Macleod! They have----AAARRGGH! ( Kenny is finished )
 
1st M - For the unspeakable crime of serving high-cholesterol salad dressings, this boy is taken! May the Lord C. Everett Koop have mercy on his soul!

Ann : Duncan! Oh, my God, They've killed Kenny!
 
Duncan : You Bastards! We came in here to indulge ourselves and have a little fun!
 
1st - Stay out of this, Macleod!

2nd - Fair Warning, Highlander!
 
3rd - You and Connor are already marked for over 75,000 corns on the cob! Oh, the butter! Plus, that vinagerette you're using is extremely high in sodium!

Duncan : The jury's still out on Sodium! Boy, you prigs are pieces of work! I wasn't expecting the Spanish Inquisition!
 
( Anyone who needs to be told what happens next should not be reading parodies. Oh, all right. Three Red-Robed Men burst in, then! )

Torquemada : No one expects the Spanish Inquisition! Our two main weapons are stealth, fanaticism, and use in Pythonesque parodies!

1st M - That's 3!
 
Torq : All right, 3 then! Duncan Macleod, you are accused of heresy against the Mother Church!

Duncan : But my clan converted away from Rome in 1597!
 
Torq : Yes, you thought you got away with it, didn't you! But among our 3 pillars is record-keeping!
 
Ann : That makes 4!

Torq : All right, 4! Now, we bring out the comfy....

1st M - Keep your chair! A non-PC fool like Macleod must be force-fed oat muffins until he renounces his McDiet! He must tell us the hiding place of Ronald MacDonald of the Clan MacDonald, and that guy who makes the Donuts---Duncan Donuts!

Duncan : Never! The Hamburglar rode with me at Gunlenay! I'll not betray them, or Sam Breakstone!
 
Torq : Heresy and concubines!
 
1st M : Hershey Chocolates!
 
( The two groups of fanatics fight it out. Duncan seeks the maitre'd. )
 
Maitre'D : I am most sorry for this, Monsieur! Dinner is now compliments of the house! And to think, this is the OFF night for terrorists!
 
Duncan : Never mind that! Does your restaurant have a giant, descending fan?
 
Maitre'D : You mean, like at the end of Highlander 2? But of course, Sir! The building code demands it!
 
Duncan : Everyone clear out---except for the fanatics!
 
( Duncan hits the fan switch; the two groups do not notice the fan )
 
Torquemada : Die, Regulators of Monastery Wines!
 
1st Musketeer : Die, Eaters of chicken with the skin still on!
 
( The blade descends, taking out all six immortals at once )
 
Ann : Duncan?
 
Duncan : Yes, Ann?
 
Ann : Isn't there always a small storm when you kill one of your own?
 
Duncan : Yeah. Why?
 
Ann : What precisely happens when you kill six at once, with only one other Immortal present?
 
( Duncan's eyes bug out. He picks up Ann, and tries to make a run for it )

Newscaster on TV : Unconfirmed reports of a Class 3 tornado continue to pour in from a neighborhood that once housed a  French restaurant. In other news, antiques magnate Duncan Macleod and his new wife and child have sold their business and surgical practice for 2$, American, and moved to parts unknown.
 
( Joe Dawson shuts off TV in his bar )
 
Joe : Yeah, hello? Watcher Council Europa? Uh-huh! It was a Class 3! I WIN THE POOL! Pay up!
 
Eventually, Ann and Duncan dissolved their marriage of convenience, but remain close. She is staff physician at Ben and Jerry's, while Duncan is temporarily the food taster for Nathan's Famous Hot Dogs. They both retain an uncontrollable fondness for peanuts and potato chips. In the end, no one can eat just one!

THIS LATE-BREAKING NEWS : AN ALUMNUS MEETING OF STATE AND FEDERAL SURGEONS GENERAL ENDED IN DISASTER WHEN THE ROOM WAS DOUSED WITH FAT-FREE OLEAN! MORE ON YOU, LATER!