(As their endless road trip continues ever onward, we see Duncan and Methos dragged into Criminal Court, Part Two, in NYC. Seated is Harry Anderson from Night Court)

Judge Harry Stone : Ok, Counselors. What thriller-diller venal penal code did these two shake, bake and break?
 
Dan Fielding : Your Honor, the Freudian Express here were wielding very big substitutes--I mean swords, in Grand Central Station at 5PM.

Judge : And it got noticed?

Dan Fielding : The Pretzel Guys are all out on strike.

Judge : Well, that will tend to put people in an antsy mood. Defense Counsel?

Christine : Your Honor, my clients are Immortals. They're allowed to hunt and kill each other. Suggest reducing charges to open possession of deadly weapons--which in New York, basically means time served.

Judge : Without objection, so ordered. Bull, call the next case.

(Bull is wearing a full-head knight's helmet)

Bull Shannon : The case of.....

Judge : Bull, why are you wearing a helmet?

Bull : (Looks at him) I'm playing football later, Harry.

(Dan comes over and knocks on the helmet)

Dan : Far be it from me to interfere with lifestyles of the Tall and Brain-Damaged, but that is not a football helmet. I'd say its more of a 'Secret Threesome' model.
 
(All glare at Fielding; He shrugs)

Dan : What?!

Christine : Bull, you have to take that thing off. My clients could claim that they received unfair or bizarre justice.

(Dan glares)

Christine : Okay, unfair justice.
 
(With Harry's nod, Bull removes the helmet; Duncan gasps as he does)

Duncan M : SLAN QUINCE?!!!!

Bull : (Kind of dejectedly) Hiya, Macleod.

Judge : Mister Macleod, do you know my bailiff?---he said, dreading the answer.

Duncan : Aye. I know him. He is Slan Quince, a fellow Immortal known as The Cat!
 
(Dan looks at Bull)

Dan : The Cat? You couldn't do better than---The Cat? Bull, Bull, Bull. If you needed a decent alias, why didn't you call me? I have drawers full of motel aliases, passport and ID falsies. I mean, are we even friends here?
 
(Mac Robinson walks up)
 
MR : Uh, Harry? The other prisoners are getting restless. I mean, they're talking about raiding the frozen yogurt stand and everything. Its ugly, I tell you.

Methos : Excuse me. I've had experience in pacifying crowds. I once pacified the equivalent of a crowd of ten thousand people.

Judge : Define pacified.

Methos : I'd really rather not.

Judge : Sigh. Mac, if the man wants to help, let him.
 
(Duncan stops Methos)
 
Duncan : Methos, you'll be reverting to your old ways. You'll be slaughtering people who may be guilty of nothing more than parking violations.

Methos : What's Your Point?

(Robinson and Methos head outside)
 
Robinson : You ever in Nam?
 
Methos : No, but I did frag the world's first lieutenant.
 
Robinson : How?
 
Methos : Threw him into Vesuvius.
 
Robinsonn : You're good. No, I mean it...you're good.
 
(Duncan looks at Bull)
 
Duncan : This is not possible. I fought and beheaded Slan Quince eight years ago.
 
(Christine storms up)
 
Christine : You fought a man with a gigantic sword, wounded him unto death, grinned and cut his head off, and watched it go bouncing over the side of some bridge while his body writhed in agonized final spasms!
 
Duncan : What's Your Point?
 
(Judge turns to Bull)

Judge : Bull, what have you got to say for yourself?

Bull : Aww, Harry. I was on my summer vacation, and I just needed something to do.
 
(Duncan is incredulous)

Duncan : Something to do? The man broke into my home, threatened the woman I love, and near killed my only kinsman.

Judge : Bullll--apologize to Mister Macleod.

Bull (Hangs his head, looks ready to cry) : I'mmmm sorry. I'll never do it again.

Duncan : But---I sensed that he was an Immortal!
 
(Bull pulls out two electric prods; Smiles)

Bull : Ahhh, Macleod. I just zapped you with these. Always fools you Immortals.

Dan : I was wondering where those went.

Christine : I really didn't need to hear that.

Duncan : But what of his head? Even allowing for microsurgery, it would have been detached several hours at minimum. He would have been addled, incoherent, and almost totally incapable of even partly comprehending the simplest of matters.

All : What's Your Point?
 
(Duncan stalks off; Grabs Methos)
 
Duncan : You done yet?
 
(Methos stands bloodied among countless bodies)
 
Methos : Macleod--can we visit the 12th Precinct?
 
Duncan : Can't. Connor took Barney Miller.
 
Methos : What about Hill Street Blues?

Duncan : Amanda took Betty Thomas.

Methos : Law&Order?

Duncan : Richie took Belzer.

Methos : But he wasn't one of us.

Duncan : But he wassss annoying.

(Next stop Boston, we leave our heroes)
 
(Inside the courtroom)
 
Bull : Case of NYC vs. Newman
 
Dan : Harry, this guy got his four vapid and annoying selfish friends thrown in prison, in concert with people far worse than those four.
 
(Wayne Knight stands nervously as Harry rises and points his gavel)
 
Harry : Feed this man---to the Raptors!!!!
 
Newman : Oh, God!! NOT AGAIN!!!!!

THE END.....for now