September, 2278

Saavik tried not to over-indulge. But cold hydro-showers were a luxury unheard of on Hellguard, even for the Romulan upper echelon. So she took long ones, when she took them at all, taking a private delight in 'using up all the cold water'. This 'sin' was one she could easily live with. Her other indulgence, though, was completely illogical. She could allow it no longer.

She stared at the overlarge closet door in her room. She knew there was someone hiding in there. Saavik also had a feeling that her voyeur knew she knew. But the time for this charade was done. In a motion, she threw on the robe Amanda had given her, and walked straight for the closet. The young man inside had been sporting an erection through his 'sweatpants'. This deflated rapidly. He stared at her with guilt and pleading in his eyes. But her mercy was past. Peter Kirk was in deep trouble, and he knew it.

"I am very disappointed in you, Peter."
 
It was all she said, and all she needed to say. He ran out to his room, and if he cried anymore, he would certainly have then. As it was, he felt lower than dirt. Certainly, Savvik would tell Sarek and Amanda, and he would be thrown out. He had offended his hosts, his rescuer, and someone he loved for the sake of an idiotic peep show. Peter closed the door to his room. He sank to the floor.

"Its not fair. I'm not 13. I'm 23. I shouldn't be scanning for cheap thrills. I'm disappointed in me, too, Saavik."

At the first thought of her, his erection returned. Although extremely upset with himself over the source of his arousal, it took only fifteen minutes for his sweatpants to be in need of recycling. But he felt only a small release, and none at all from his guilt over having hurt Saavik. Yes, he was 23--chronologically. But the Admiralty had kept him in cryo-stasis for ten years. In order to keep his blood pressure constant, cellular shocks were discharged whenever he felt any kind of arousal--particularly sexual arousal.

"One day, I'm gonna go back and kill each and every one of them."

Indeed, he would. But for now, that threat felt as impotent as he himself did. He regarded himself not as a Cosmic Champion to be, but as a pathetic rape-toy that had fallen madly in love with the first woman to show him kindness in a decade. While Peter Kirk was stronger by far than his enemies, he was blind to certain facts. For, when, it came to Saavik, both the attraction and the love he felt was quite mutual—and just as maddening.

"Personal Journal. After weeks of tolerating Peter's spying, I have done the thing that logic told me to-I called him out. He ran, as I knew he would-but as I hoped he would not. What flaw do I posses that made me find his attentions flattering? What further flaw made me wish so often that he would leave that vantage point and join me? It is absurd to be so attracted to a human male who is physiologically barely mature. I know it is partially a side-effect of my time on Hellguard. The guards would take boys from behind. But girls had to face them, while keeping their eyes closed. The story went that one girl giggled in nervous reaction to her assault. The guard, thinking this a commentary on the size of his penis, poked out her eyes. Wishing to keep the girls for themselves, the guards kept all boys segregated from us. So it was, absurdly, that this brutality, coupled with the necessity of my private tutoring--meant that Peter was the first male I ever saw naked. That is at the heart of my attraction to him, and it is pathetic. It has no logical basis. To work this out--I must talk with him. He and I should be friends. That either of us want more is a sign of our weakness."

Back in his room, Peter was showering off his masturbatory residue, and spoke into his own journal.

"I owe Saavik my life. I owe her more than what I've been doing to her. She's to be bonded in a few years, and I---want her so badly, I can taste it. I had to fight not to jump out and pin her to the shower wall. All I wanted Admiral Bunson to do was go away. If Saavik were to go away, I feel like I would die. But she hates me, now. This is more than her telling me not to cry out at night. This is more than us arguing over use of the transport. For someone I feel this way about, we sure do argue a lot. That proves my point. To her, I am a petulant, horny little boy that crossed the line. I am horny. I was mentally awake in that cryo, though, so I am not a little boy anymore. Sarek tells me I am a creature of prophecy. A kind of Knight, meant perhaps to slay Ghidorah. I'm no Knight, though. Saavik is. From birth, she lived in Hell. I had it good during the years she battled other children over excrement. Look at her now, though. She doesn't just possess strength. She is strength. Could it be that I worship?"

Back in her room, Saavik continued.

"There are, I suppose, other factors to my attraction to Peter. When Spock brought me here, it was months before I could even be trusted to go outside. My rages were murderous. But he got up within a month of being released. More, he suffered the one thing I did not and know in my heart I could never endure. As a child, he lived in Paradise--so I have heard Denev 3 called, and then saw it all taken away. First, by the monster's spores, and then again by his mortal agents. His entire planet lost to madness and death. Most of his family wiped away. As I held him that day, a few months back, I picked up intense telepathic images of hateful old men and women using him for their pleasure. Admiral Bunson herself had broken his jaw during forced intercourse, prior to casting him into cryo-stasis. But when I offered him the chance to rape her in return, he refused. I wanted to see her bleed from her privates. I wanted to pretend it was one of my rapists receiving punishment. But a 13-year old human male who is quite interested in sex and the female form decided not to seek revenge, despite all the pain. This woman had ordered Brianna Kirk's murder, but Peter knew that his grandmother's spirit would gain nothing from this. For a time, I even resented him. How dare he be better than me? How can a human, untrained in Surak's teachings, regard non-productive vengeance as worthless? For years, Sarek and the others had lectured me. But it only took one shining moment-one badly abused Angel-to show me that Surak's words truly were living wisdom, not merely the bleatings of yet another old man. It causes me great pain that his attraction to me is only physical. For, on the deeper levels, what would a young man with a cosmic destiny and a family reputation for successful mating want with one such as I, unable to see past her own pain?"

Later, while Peter made an unsuccessful attempt to sleep, there came a knock on his door.

"Come."

"It is I, Peter."

"Hello, Saavik. If I say I'm sorry, can that be a start?"

"It could. If you were truly sorry."

"Don't tell me I'm not sorry. I was a jerk--a fool, to do what I did."

"That you were. But, the fact remains, you wished to see me nude because you find me attractive. As I do you."

Peter was stunned by these words, so tread as carefully as he knew.

"You do? You think I'm....attractive?"

"Disrobe, Peter. I shall do the same."

Since robes were all they were wearing, that was done quickly. They took each other in, and then Savvik sat in Peter's bedroom chair. She bade him remain on his bed.

"We shall talk this evening, Peter. We shall talk of the things we do not discuss with Sarek or Amanda. By the time we are done, the mysteries of what our bodies look like shall be done. We cannot be together. In fact, we do not wish to be together."

"We--don't?"

She almost seemed to smile.

"No. Don't you see? It is our aberrant sexual experiences--the rapes we have endured--that drive us. Not logic, or even passion. Tonight, we shall talk of our assaults. When we are free of that pain, then shall this distraction pass. Do you agree?"

"It--makes sense, Saavik. Very logical. After this, our lives can resume a normal path. Can I begin?"

They were rapidly growing used to the sight of each others' nude forms. But in the back of their minds, the attraction was no less. Peter saw her breasts, and saw his face buried between them. She saw her own face, traveling downward on his chest til she could take his penis in her mouth. But the obvious signs were fading, and that was good for their purposes.

"Yes, Peter. Please begin."

Peter was rapidly growing used to Saavik's nude form. That wasn't the problem. The problem was, he still wanted her with a vengeance. Unable to shake the attraction, Peter decided to speak upon the least arousing subject he could think of. Hands down, that subject was his kidnapping. His torture. His rape.

"The first thing I remember was their cutting my pants off."

Saavik raised a finger, as though to question this. As she did, her breasts bounced, just ever so slightly. Peter hardened a bit, at that, but fought it down with imagery of his tale. He had to fight it down. At Saavik's suggestion, they had both disrobed, to remove any mystery their bodies held, and to make the baring of their souls on this most difficult subject easier. He already felt like he could tell Saavik anything. Now, though, he felt like he could tell her everything. She asked her question.

"Why cut your pants off? They would certainly remove easily enough."

As Peter thought about that for a moment, Saavik had not been unaware of the sudden growth and shrinkage of his penis. She regretted staring as she did almost as much as she regretted not straddling him on the bed, taking him inside of her. These thoughts were wrong for many reasons, Saavik knew, and Peter was right to fight down his instincts. He seemed to be having an easier time of it than she did, in fact. As Peter went to answer, Saavik got up and adjusted the cushion on the chair she was sitting on, just across from Peter. The sight of her bubble-shaped ass, so close, brought back his erection with full force. But instead of covering himself, he spoke up with force.

"I suppose it was about power. Yes, they could simply remove my pants, but they could cut them off, too. They could do anything they liked to me. So that's what they did. Morrow took me first. I remember praying to God Almighty that what he was pushing up my backside was some kind of probe, some kind of fleshy-feeling anal probe. Then I felt the discharge. I felt filthy. I knew what it was that was inside me. Then, someone sprayed scalding water, there. When I defecated, they struck me for the first time. I think it was then-Captain Cartwright. He never took me. Just beat the hell out of me, whenever I showed signs of defiance."

Saavik remembered Peter's first conversation with James T. Kirk, after his awakening. Somehow, Peter's uncle knew every depredation a young man held captive might endure. She had not understood the fury on the older man's face. She did now. Despite all logic, she wished to make certain that no one hurt Peter Kirk ever again. But in life, some things are impossible. Especially for a young man destined to do battle with the Astro-Monster, Ghidorah. Inwardly, she wept, just a little, and wished that Peter had more than just a physical attraction to her. At least if she were by his side, Saavik thought, she could lessen his hurt.

"Peter, it sounds as though they were trying to kill you. But they needed you, didn't they? That was the reason for the kidnapping."

Since his awakening, Peter had talked to a lot of people who tried to help him make sense of what had happened to him. He felt no irony at the fact that only Saavik understood the truth. There was no sense to be found in any of it. Just chaos. Oddly, her plan had worked, somewhat. He was now only dimly aware that they were naked. Still, the scent of her was on his brain, and always would be.

 "That all came later. For those first two days, they sought to break my will. As each of the male admirals took me in turn, my ass started to swell. I felt like I was constipated, or had extreme diarrhea. Not all of them came inside me. Those that didn't were taunted by those that did. I heard them say things, like, 'One of three heads is inside you, boy--thank me for it.' I never did. Then, the female admirals had their turn. I thought somehow I might enjoy it, then. But the first one--Terence, I think her name was, told me that if I didn't perform, she had a ceremonial letter opener that she would use to castrate me. I didn't perform. I was very quick. She then laughed and told me she wouldn't want such a puny thing."

At this, Saavik was ready to reach out and touch Peter's shoulder in comfort. But Peter had nearly knocked Sarek across the room, under a similar circumstance, a week back. Sarek then told her and Amanda that Peter could not bear physical contact of more than 10 seconds, and never by surprise. It was Amanda who noted that the boy still walked with his right hand balled into a fist. He still did not feel safe, even in an Ambassador's home on Vulcan. He bore the mark of Ghidorah. While he bore it well, Peter did not bear it without scars. What the creature did to worlds and galaxies, its followers attempted to do to his will. Saavik prompted him to continue.

"Have your feelings on sex changed, as a result of these assaults?"

Peter looked at her quizzically.

"Sex? None of this was about sex, Saavik. It was about hate, and power. A lot of times, I imagined that they were shoving weapons inside of me. Because that's what they were doing. The real obscenity wasn't what they were doing to me. The defiling came from the use of God's instruments of creation and pleasure as bludgeons. I can't say for the men, since they all preferred faceless attacks. But the ladies---if I had woken up with them at my side, under any other circumstance, I would have been grinning. But despite their bigoted motto, they weren't human. They've all given their souls to Ghidorah, and one day that's where I'm going to send them--especially HER!!"

Without any inquiry, Saavik knew who the her was. The publicly prim and proper Admiral Teresa Bunson. Of all of Peter's tormentors, she was the worst.

"Was she-beautiful?"

If Peter weren't talking with an absurdly logical Vulcan, he'd think there was a hint of misplaced jealousy in Saavik's voice. He would then respond by telling her that she herself was the most beautiful thing he had ever seen, and that he loved her. But he kept his mind on the grim subject at hand. It was too much of a release not to.

"Attractive, yes. Full-figured without being fat, and well-toned. She mounted me, and I think I briefly felt pleasure. But when I came, she socked me in the jaw. She started bouncing on me again, and as she did her breasts dangled before me. I put up my head and went to suckle one. She punched me again, saying this wasn't for my enjoyment."

"Did any of them attempt to suck upon your penis?"

"No. I think they were afraid of any possibility of my enjoyment. Anything that happened, had to be under their control. One of the men tried to put theirs in my mouth. But I made it clear I no longer cared about my own life, and that I would bite it off and chew it up if he did. Cartwright nearly went insane, pummeling me non-stop for five minutes. I think it was how he got off. But no one else tried that with me. I like to think of that as a victory."

Saavik's body and scent he was now accustomed to. But her mere presence filled a void in him, like they were pre-bonded. Her voice was itself a comfort.

"It was a victory, Peter. Did they then cast you into cryo?"

"Admiral Bunson had one last go at me. I was on the floor, still recovering from her last punch, when she managed to arouse me. She put my penis up her ass, and began to move. Saavik, the adolescent human male often has fantasies, both of an older seductress and of anal intercourse. For me, this seemed a dream within a nightmare. Then, I realized. It didn't matter whose member was in whose orifice. I was theirs. A goddamned slave. My grandmother was dead. My uncle probably believed I was. Oh, I had fantasies of seeing the Enterprise outside the hall windows, and of Jim coming for me. He didn't know, though. They took pains to keep him off Earth, I later learned. While 'Buns' Bunson was still on me, I grabbed-actually ripped out-a chunk of her hair, and punched her in the back of the head. I was pure rage. For some reason, my normal strength at that time was already twice human average, so I punched a guard and grabbed his phaser. I didn't realize it was set to kill. Admiral Morrow had called me 'Peter Rabbit' as he took me, so I didn't mourn him, or the five others. I should have killed Cartwright, but I ran instead. My ass and my penis both felt like lead weights, and I was bleeding from them. But I dodged, ducked, weaved, and kept on running. I was scared, hungry, and angry as hell. I was going to find my uncle, and tell him what they did to me. I fired that phaser to keep them back, not caring any more about a single life except my own. I wanted to hurt them back. I--wanted my Mommy."

Saavik saw the struggle on Peter's face.

"Humans have emotions. This is well known. I, certainly, will think no less of you if you cry, Peter."

"Each tear is a victory for The Ancient Destroyer, Saavik. The only tears I'll ever weep will be those of joy when the monster is dead. I ran, and ran. My eyes weren't working right. I ran right for their arcane rituals' chamber. There, in the form of an exquisite 4-meter tall crystal statue, I saw it. Saw what they worshipped. Saw the reason they had brought me there."

Saavik lowered her head, as if the name itself were an obscenity.

"Ghidorah."

"Saavik, it was actually quite beautiful. You could see from this how a fool could be brought to believe he was here to help them. The right head was a yellow crystal, and in its mouth was a jewel representing a star. The middle head was hollow, clear glass, and inside it were metal parts. The left head was onyx-like, but you could see that there were crystal people inside of it. The body and wings were all cut as one prism."

He paused.

"Cartwright was behind me."

"You see, Peter? That's why you were brought here, boy. Your body possesses a natural frequency, meant to call Lord Ghidorah here, to be among us. He shall wipe away the alien scum that infests our universe. Join with us, and so know the kind of power over others that we now wield over you."

Saavik nodded.

"You told him no, of course."

Peter tensed up.

"I didn't simply tell him no. Somehow, I let out a shriek. A battle-cry, of some kind. Saavik, I don't know where this came from. I'm not sure I want to know. But the cry I unleashed was like that of a hundred bull elephants-played backwards. The Ghidorah crystal shattered, and Cartwright screamed. Realizing I was lost, I just punched him in the gut, and left him gasping for air. But they were everywhere. I realized then that they valued my life more than I did. So I turned my phaser on myself. Of course, it was out of power. After that, they literally threw me into the cryo-chamber. The Healer here on Vulcan told me they used genetic accelerants to undo some of the damage done to their 'prize'. No one is sure what the long term effects might be, especially when you consider the psi-enhancers they pumped into me, as well. Look, Saavik. I like talking about all this with you. But can we save my time in cryo for another night? I'd like to hear about you, and about Hellguard."

"Very well, Peter. But we must switch positions. You will sit on the chair, and I on the bed."

"Okay. Is that some sort of ritual?"

"No. But this chair is now chafing me."

Peter bit back several comments, many of them about massaging the chafed area. As they walked past each other, they bumped briefly, and both were once again suddenly aware that they were naked. Each lacking the courage to pursue, they sat down in their new positions. Saavik looked at Peter, who seemed suddenly distant.

"Was there something else you wished to say, about your assault?"

"Yes, I do. But its not logical."

"Very little about it is, Peter-kam."

'Kam' was merely a suffix. But it was also a signal to Peter Kirk. A signal of forgiveness for the shower, and for his early coldness to her. A signal of apology, for a lack of understanding on her part, when the shivering young man wanted a robe upon his release from cryo, only to have to abide her gawking. A signal that the cruelty was done. Come else what may, they were family. They each understood and accepted the other, warts and all. Peter smiled.

"Thanks to you, Saavikkam. The last thing about what they did goes back to my pants. Right up until you released me, I remember thinking---I have to get my pants back. If I can find them, I can get them on, and get out of this place, and none of it will ever have occurred. Ridiculous, huh?"

The understanding in her eyes was startling.

"Whether a material object or a person, we all cling to something, Peter, in times of great discomfort. Let me tell you of that which saw me through Hellguard."

As she began her tale, though, Saavik wished she could tell Peter it was now his face she saw, when she needed comfort.

As Saavik searched for where to begin her tale, Peter tried to search for somewhere not to look. The experiment should have worked, he thought. At Saavik's suggestion, they sat nude in full view of each other, as they told their tales of imprisonment and rape at the hands of the Order. In this way, they would become accustomed to one another, and their attraction would pass.

It had worked before. As a child, on pre-Ghidorah Denev, everyone swam nude. On hot days, school was held in the yard, and neither teachers nor students had on a stitch. But then, puberty had not yet hit for him, and he realized that a great many of the older students seemed to take very long walks together. One girl, a stunner of about 15, had actually asked him to take a walk, and he had. She found a bench, and lay on it. When,
after a half an hour, Peter had made no move on her, she walked off, called him 'baby', and never spoke to him again. Perhaps if she had explained to him what to do, he might have done it. Aurelan had caught wind of this, and almost tore the girl's head off, feeling her 11-year old should never have been propositioned. Afterwards, they had spoken of it.

"Mom, why did she want me? I've never seen her even talk to anyone less than 14 before."

Aurelan smiled a very awkward smile, as though remembering something pleasant.

"She--indicated to me that you take after your father, in one important respect."

"You mean I'm getting a moustache?"

"Wrong father, kiddo. I meant Uncle Jim."

Peter thought hard.

"I'm starting to pause between words?"

Aurelan chuckled, pulled his cheek, and sent him to his room for study.

"Sam, God help us if he goes into Plak Tow. We'll have a line of girls, all volunteering their services."

Sam shook his head.

"Hon, Peter may have Vulcanoid blood, but Jim has been in a permanent state of Plak Tow without a drop in him since he turned 10. Lost one of my best girls to him, the little shit!"

Aurelan's eyebrows playfully revealed her half-Romulan nature, for just a minute, despite the surgery.

"Big shit, dear. Big."

Back in the present, Peter thought he had found a way past the attraction. Staring at any part of her meant looking at the most sensual parts. Then, he remembered an old form of respect demanded you look someone directly in the eyes. So he did. It seemed to work, at first. No lingering over her breasts, nor quick glimpses of her legs, and what magic lay between them. He merely concentrated on her eyes. Problem was--she had the most beautiful set of eyes he had ever seen, and he was hard again before he knew it. A fact not unnoticed by Saavik.

In her own mind, Saavik saw herself get off the bed, turn around, and rub her behind against him. On the fifth motion, she felt him slip inside her buttocks, and so began to rock. This would have been merely a fantasy, except for one thing. Saavik's mental shields were quite down, and Peter possessed a telepathy that few adepts even on Vulcan or Betazed did. The cocktails of genetic accelerants and psi-enhancers that his captors had fed him had only begun to change the young man. Ironically, the worshippers of Ghidorah were giving Peter the means to prepare for his battle with the monster. Nothing had prepared him, though, for Saavik. As her thoughts grew wilder, she saw Peter's member grow ever firmer, until it burst. He was horrified, and went to wash himself off. Saavik felt oddly empowered, while retaining her concern for Peter.

"Peter? Are you hurt?"

"Saavik, please. If you're going to think things like that, at least keep your shields up."

She grew somewhat indignant.

"Things like what? And I am not the one who lost all self-control."

While mostly cleaned off, he turned to her, angry.

"I am not the one who dreamed of rubbing her ass up against my penis."

Her eyes grew wide.

"You---are a telepath. You--you can see my thoughts. Without touch. Without my noticing. Without my permission!"

Enraged, and feeling violated, she reached over and began to strangle him with both hands. As Peter gasped for air, a few things happened. He noted the way her breasts jiggled, as she moved in her rage. In the nearby master bedroom, Amanda began to stir. Peter saw the images in Saavik's mind of Hellguard, and saw that in her rage, she was actually attacking one of the guards there. She half-realized what she was doing, but could not stop. More, she saw images of Peter's cryogenic hell. Even worse, some part of her was deriving sexual pleasure from hurting that which she loved most. Peter currently possessed twice her strength, even though she was enraged. He could easily stop her. But to do so meant raising his hand against Saavik. So as he asphyxiated, the thought never even entered his mind. Hurting Saavik was not in him, even at this. As the shower walls started to blur, he ever more clearly saw images of Hellguard. He cursed the Romulans for daring to touch her.

She stopped strangling him, and he was able to regain his air. Peter stumbled out from the shower and fell onto his bed, as Saavik stared in abject horror. She loved Peter Kirk, and yet she had almost killed him, in a fit of twisted passion. Her original idea had been so logical on the surface.

Realizing that it was in part their common histories of sexual abuse that drove the strong feelings they held for one another, Saavik came up with a plan to negate that attraction. Disrobing, the two would speak on the grim subject, and familiarity would remove all mystery of the other's form. This plan had several flaws.

Among them was the fact that two bipedal humanoids of the opposite sex in their 'teenaged' years possess more than mere curiosity about sex. Unbidden, thoughts of intercourse soared through their minds. This led to another problem. Peter Kirk possessed a telepathy stronger than most adepts of any race. His captors had tried to use him to speak to their demon-god, Ghidorah. The substances they fed him to this end resulted in a mind-force so powerful, training on Vulcan was a given. Without touch, Peter could easily see unshielded thoughts. So it was that Saavik's intense day dream caused a physical reaction in him. When he revealed the extent of his telepathy, she regarded it as an invasion of her privacy. She began to strangle Peter, for she suddenly felt pent-up revulsion at the regular horrors of Hellguard. Happily, she saw that Peter's advanced physiology had protected his throat from being crushed. The look in his eyes showed no hate for her, a fact for which she was thankful.

"Saavik, clean yourself off."

"Why, Peter?"

"You came."

Saavik looked down at her legs and saw the discharge. She gasped. Had hurting Peter brought her that kind of pleasure?

"Relax, Saavik. It was a pent-up release of emotions that did that. Its been known to cause ecstasy, even in humans."

At that, Saavik instinctively covered her breasts with her hands, then realized the pointlessness of that. She hadn't fully realized that Peter was a telepath, let alone one so strong. She was still a bit angered. She showered as she spoke.

"You should not be reading my thoughts, Peter. Shields or no, that is a worse invasion than your previous viewing of me in the shower. Have you no training at all?"

"One could ask the same thing of you, Saavik."

"Don't make jokes, or tell riddles. I am quite serious."

"So am I. How do you think I felt when I awoke aboard Sarek's shuttle?"

She turned toward him, horrified.

"You--were awake?"

"Sarek was asleep, but I woke up."

Saavik was mortified. She sat down in the shower, and to Peter somehow she looked even more beautiful.

"I--offer--apology. What I did was unforgivable. Peter--I have treated you abominably. We must tell Sarek."

Peter smiled.

"Sarek and Amanda aren't a part of this, Saavikkam. Besides--I didn't say I didn't enjoy it. It was just a big surprise, waking up and seeing your head buried in my crotch. I almost thought I was dreaming."

Saavik shook her head, water coming out of her hair as she did.

"Whether you enjoyed it is immaterial. I was your rescuer, and I abused my responsibility."

"In Earth tradition, a Knight who rescues someone has the right to ask a boon of them. That was your boon."

Her eyes looked grateful.

"Thank you."

"But, Saavik, it also demonstrates several things. One, to use Terran vernacular, we are both messed up. As you said, our attraction to one another is probably based on a mutual feeling of damaged goods. Plus, I don't need to touch someone to read their thoughts. But physical contact----"

Saavik's head started.

"Oh, Peter. Physical contact must be unbearable for you. Any Vulcan finds casual contact mildly upsetting. But for a telepath of your power, it must be like bonding without warning."

Peter nodded, and grinned.

"Particularly when someone's mouth has taken my privates inside of her. Ever since, I could feel your thoughts a bit more strongly than others, even when we're apart."

Saavik allowed no reaction to Peter's statement. She kept her shields up, now. The bondmate that Sarek had hastily found for her had been that in name only. The pre-bonding had failed. Worse, the troubled boy had later hung himself, indicating no desire to bond with a half-breed. Now, though, Peter was her bondmate. Except he couldn't be. Saavik's legal status on Vulcan gave her no rights in such choosing. At last, she got out of the shower, and dried herself off. She saw Peter get into bed.

"Get in, pull up the covers, with my back to you. Then tell me of Hellguard."

"No, Peter. I shall put my back to you. It is sometimes called 'spooning', and no motion is necessary. If I am to speak of that place, I must be held. If we cannot be lovers, then I will at least have that."

"Saavik, I'm not trying to be a virtuous gentleman. But as I was saying, we're like children raised in isolation. We're going for each other, because we're all we know. Plus, you don't know what's in my thoughts. You don't want to know."

She got into bed, and rubbed herself against him from behind.

"Could it be that bad?"

Peter winced. But thankfully, he was now actually comfortable with her close presence. He had yet more news for her.

"Remember, back about a week after Sarek's mind-meld? Where he took me?"

"Yes. He took you to Gol, at T'Pau's request. The Kolinahr adepts were to show you the rudiments of self-control. As one who has suffered family sundering, you possess rights under Vulcan law that no other offworlder possesses. Plus, I think T'Pau actually likes you. You obey all the strictures and rules around her."

As Saavik lifted her body on one side, Peter slipped his arms around and underneath her. He took care to put his hands on her stomach, though. His penis hung down just by the bottom of her buttocks, touching the crease but never entering. His hands could easily grab her breasts, but they didn't. It was almost too easy to keep self-control in this case. Perhaps it would work out after all.

"I don't see how anyone could fail to keep the rules around T'Pau. With that stare of hers, she could frighten Ghidorah himself. But, back to the point. Non-adepts are given a starter reading of Kolinahr's precepts. Just enough to show that there is a path of self-control. Problem was, my mind had been enhanced. I went--too far. Do you remember how I came back, and was stone cold to you for about a month?"

That memory was indeed painful to Saavik. Especially when it was contrasted against his body and presence so very near to being inside of her. His dick felt like a red hot poker next to her ass. She actually moved his hands up to her breasts.

"What? Saavik?"

"I wish to be held, Peter. That is all. I wish to be held where I wish to be held, not where you are comfortable with holding me. Yes, I remember how cold you were. Some side-effect of the Kolinahr training, I
take it?"

"More like---I completed the training."

Saavik wondered if the movement of his hands was mere shifting or a gentle kneading of her breasts. But the meaning of Peter's words were clear.

"You achieved--Kolinahr? Peter, that's impossible. You do not need to lie to impress me."

"I know what it sounds like. But my soul was an open wound. Non-emotion sounded like Paradise. So I embraced it. Luckily, the adepts were able to find that part of me that still felt. Sarek spoke to me of the concern others held for me. Two people in particular. Jim--and, well, someone else."

Saavik knew who the someone else was. Feeling him holding her, she began her tale at last.

"We were fed until we could walk. Then, we were cast into the fields. I was always regarded as ugly. The others said I looked human, even though none of us had ever seen one. The boys were all kept in another area, and there were very few of them. What they might look like was a great mystery to me. The oldest of the girls were perhaps twelve, and they were our overseers. They had no interest in us, though. They usually killed each other."

The imagery of the place was so strong in Saavik's mind, Peter barely felt himself slip into her behind. She noticed, but said nothing.

"Did they kill each other over food?"

"No. They were strong. They always got the lion's share of the food. No. Whoever survived got to be a guard's wife. To bear a guard's child. Those children--vanished. My belief now is that they were sacrificed to Ghidorah. Also, whenever they would vanish----there would be meat thrown down to us. I imagine they thought it somewhat humorous."

Peter held her ever more tightly, but not to further the sexual connection. She was shaking from the fully-realized memory. He realized now where his member was, and the warmth startled him. He tried to remain still, but a sexual euphemism danced through his mind, and then through Saavik's. She questioned it.

"What, precisely, does this circumstance have to do with frankfurters and bread?"

Peter sighed.

"Its 'wiener and buns', Saavik. I'd better pull out."

She turned back to face him.

"I trust you, Peter. Do you trust me?"

"Of course. Continue. That sort of life must have been hell."

"Actually, it was all I knew. The only thing that made it hard to bear was an odd memory of something better."

Every once in a while, her cheeks would clench around Peter's dick, reminding him just how far this evening had gone.

"What was that something? Or--someone? Saavik---Spock is your father?"

"No, Peter. Spock later explained to me that the emotionalism of my rescue caused me to hallucinate. I held my father once when I was an infant. It was something I shall never forget. But I have since jumbled that memory with Spock's arrival. A guard who was taking me sexually as the Enterprise arrived was killed. I thought I saw Spock kill him, but I was told that this was part of a revenge fantasy I had. Captain Kirk personally arrested the camp leader, who resisted. It seems he was still quite upset over your loss, Peter. The leader should not have resisted."

Awkward as he felt, Peter did not attempt to withdraw. Saavik was coming upon the worst of the memories, and he would be as close to her as possible when the time came.

"How often did they take you?"

"Not very often, at first. As I said, they regarded my looks as too exotic. It was the guards who said I looked human. Odd that they should say that. But I digress. I was insulted when I was not chosen."

"Insulted?"

"I did not know better. Peter, the loincloth Spock found me in I had taken from one of the fallen older children. This was the world to me. The guards were voices from the sky. To them, I was not worthy. As I battled over scraps and worse to survive, all I knew was that the gods looked at me with disfavor. Those who had probably made me thought I was ugly. For a four-year old, this was much to bear."

Peter did some mental arithmetic. Saavik would have been four at about the time the Ghidoran spores hit Denev 3. Despite the sexual position they were in, he had odd images of Saavik being found early, and brought to live with himself, Sam, and Aurelan. For her happiness, he would gladly have her as an untouchable sister, whose only shower complaints would be how much time he hogged it. She saw this as plain as day, due to their proximity.

"That is so sweet. Such a pure, wonderful thought. I would have been happy to be your sister, Peter. Very happy."

The sexuality of it all was awkward. But the intimacy was beginning to suffocate them both. The thought that Peter cared for her so deeply, he would give up almost any possibility of their love to secure her happiness was startling to Saavik. She spoke of her first rape.

"I thought they were trying to cut the bottom half of my body off. My eyes closed tightly, I felt as though a spiked drill had been put inside an area I thought of only as a reliever of liquid. As I cried out, the drill went ever deeper. I began to pray for death. But I was given coagulants, and handed around to all 50 of our guards. I wished then that they still found me ugly. This occurred once a month. One of them commented that, as soon as I had a behind, I would be taken there, as well. I suppose they tried no oral games with me for reasons similar to your captors' , Peter."

Peter shook with rage, and this shaking was felt by Saavik within her core. They both knew their position was a foolish one, but neither one could pull away. So mentally, they went still deeper.

"Peter, tell me of your time in cryo."

The night was a study in contradictions. It had begun with Peter Kirk's spying on Saavik while she was showering. While she was upset with this, it was she who had suggested they sit across from each other and discuss their grim pasts. Further, it was she who suggested they be naked while they talked.

What they were both struck by was their comfort level around each other. For the first time in their young lives, they felt safe. Both had endured rape. That was what they talked of this night. Now, they lay in bed together. Saavik had brought Peter's hands up to her breasts, as he lay behind her, his dick slipping into her ass. Neither moved, though they wanted to. Saavik briefly had an ecstatic image of Heaven. They were deeply in love, but both also deeply scarred. Afraid of the depths of their feelings, their minds invented excuses for what was happening.

Saavik thought of their abuse, and how it must have driven them to feel for one another. Once that talking was done, so would their attraction be. But her next thought was about turning on to her stomach so that she could share primeval love with her angel.

Peter thought of later years, when he and a sister-like Saavik would surely laugh over this night. But his next thought was about this reunion turning torrid. As she let out a moan, he realized he was rocking inside of her. He stopped that, and told of his time in cryo-stasis.

"It was all really quite simple. They wanted to use me to transmit to Ghidorah. They thought the creature was intelligent. Their broadcasts struck the empty void."

Saavik reached back a hand and slowly scratched Peter's butt-cheeks. This again started the rocking motion she found so pleasurable. She also asked a question.

"Then why did you fight them?"

"I resisted them, because Ghidorah does have raw instinct, and still might be attracted by their signal somewhat. I fought them, though, because it was all I had. They brought out everything--even down to cellular shockwaves. That really hurt. Pain-one cell-strand at a time. Even when they trotted Bunson and her bouncing boobs out at me, I fought them, and fought them until you came and saved my life, and my mind. My life, Saavikkam, was one of harsh glares and arrogant smiles through glass I could only see through. You shattered that glass, broke me out of hell. Now you give me your beautiful body, and I rest inside the warmth of your sweet cheeks."

"You saved my soul, Peter-kam. My life was one of teachers who tolerated my lack of manners. Surak's words were nothing, til there was you. Now you place yourself inside of me, and I feel two warmths. The one from your beautiful member, the other from your soul. "

Their love declared, Saavik got up and positioned her body on the bed. Peter began to pump her butt furiously, never stopping even once. The feel of flesh on flesh was beyond imagining.

And then they woke up.

Each recalled what had really occurred. Peter had barged in while Saavik was showering, and they had each discussed their abuse. But the physical contact, the love, had all been a dream. Sadly, neither realized that it was a common dream they shared. Though not by way of 'blow-job', they were pre-bonded. When Saavik awoke, she reached for a pillow and pretended it was him. She held that pillow close to her, even kissing it once.

"I love you, Peter. Be you 13, or 23, Dragonslayer or dishwasher, I love you. Logic be damned."

Peter was shaking as he awoke. It was only after dreams of holding Saavk that he realized how lonely he felt most times. Then, he always smiled, for Saavik, even while strangling him, was a damn sight prettier than Ghidorah. When he first came to Sarek's house, he couldn't wait to leave. But Uncle Jim would be by in six months, and he wondered if he could ever be without her and live.

"I love you, Saavik. You are not ugly. You are the Knight that keeps the dragon in my thoughts away. I only wish you loved me, too.  I'm sure Sarek has another bondmate lined up for you. But God only knows what I'll be without you."

A knock came at the door.

"Come in."

"It is me again, Peter. I find I cannot sleep. Do you wish to talk further?"

She was clothed, and clothed she would remain. But she was here, with him, and that was all Peter cared about. The way his face lit up at her presence was Saavik's secret joy.

"I'd like that. But first, how about a little music? Its yet more of my Dad's 20th Century collection. But its good stuff."

She assented, and they donned the listening gear. Peter would later tell of a hotshot expert brought in to break him, and Saavik of a bigoted teacher who told her she was Rihannsu trash. But for now, they just listened.

"And If You Should Ever Leave Me; Though Life Would Still Go On; Believe Me; The World Could Show Nothing To Me; So What Good Would Living Do Me?; And God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You; God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You."

Amanda finally got up. Sarek saw this.
 

"Wife, I have heard neither of the children cry out, this night. Why are you stirring?"

"Because, Sarek, I have to check on them. Saavik shakes in her sleep, and poor Peter punches his pillow, yelling curses at his violators. I have to check on them. We're all they have."

Gently, the Ambassador pulled his wife back into bed.

"You are wrong, Amanda. They have each other. The son of our friend and the daughter of our son have a bond that many older couples never achieve. So long as they both do live, they shall never walk alone again."

Amanda sniffed a little.

"I want to tell my granddaughter who I am, Sarek. But Spock is so fragile on the subject of Hellguard...I'm sorry."

Sarek heard the music, low as it was, in the next room.

"Apologize not, my wife. For the song speaks truly when it says, God Only Knows What I'd Be Without You."

Amanda smiled, and joined in.

"I May Not Always Love You; But Long As There Are Stars Above You..."