Neelix: Now, Straight From The Scenic Delta Quadrant, Its The Kate Janeway Program!

('Could It Be The Breeze' plays as Janeway comes out)

KJ: Oh, its so good of you to show up. But I wish we weren't in such a mess. Those pesky Krenim are just wrecking the  timeline. I mean, everytime they reverse the chronitons, my bank issues a reverse interest statement! It got so bad, I was  forced to pawn Samantha Wildman. So far though, no one seems to notice. Now where is Tuvok?

(Tuvok comes into the Ready Room)

Tuvok: Wellllll, Cap'n Janeway, I hope you're happy. The pawn shop called and said they sold Samantha Wildman to ER!

Janeway: But I only left her there nine months ago! Y'know, I judged that pawn broker to be an utter cheapskate.

Tuvok: Mmmmm. You would be the one to consult about that, Cap'n.

Janeway: Now just what gives you the right to call me cheap?

Tuvok: Why, this here document you sold me, giving me the rights to call you cheap, moody--and in a perpetual badddd mood!

(Tuvok stops. Pulls off Vulcan ears, wipes off makeup)

Tim Russ: Ladies and Gentlemen, while I greatly respect and admire the late Edward Anderson, also known as Rochester, I want it known that I find this parody the most vile and racist....

(His contract is waved in front of him)

(He steps back in character)

Tuvok: Yes, Maam! You are always in a bad mood.

(Guests arrive)

KJ: Oh, Tom. Oh, Harry. Oh, Seven. Oh, Belanna. How goes your repair efforts?

Belanna: Well, we in Engineering took up a collection, and we should have some repairs done before long.

Tom: And I pawned my lieutanant's bars to pay for the new Bridge consoles.

Seven: Though humiliating, I find the money shoved into my G-String keeps Astrometrics profitable.

Harry: Captain, why don't you use the Starfleet-Authorized funds to make repairs?

Janeway: Now, Harry--I'm saving those for a rainy day.

Belanna: The ship is in ruins!

Janeway: But is it raining?!

Tuvok: Annoucing MISTAH CHAKOTAY!!!

(Tim Russ coughs)

TR: That voice hurts worse than Urkel's.

(Chakotay walks in)

Chak: Kathryn, I've come to declare to you my undying love.

Janeway: Then--I'll play my violin in celebration!

Chak: (Walks out) It just died.

(KJ puts her thumb underneath her chin, and her hand resting on her cheek)

Janeway: Well!

Tuvok: Good news, Capn! Those lousy Krenim backed off.

Janeway: But how, Tuvok?

Tuvok: Ohhh, that's easy. I warned them that we'd put you in charge of their vessel. After that, they just ran off
 screaming!!!

Neelix: Next on The Kate Janeway Program--The Kazon Crooners!