Colonel Kira and Captain Sisko watched proudly as their prisoner was brought in. An adapted holosuite  would hold him-he'd never know who faced him, friend or foe. Bashir had injected him with a  transport-unfriendly toxin; Beaming would kill him. An extreme measure for an extreme man. At long last, Gul  Dukat would answer for it all. With quantum mines ringing the wormhole, no one from the Gamma Quadrant  would have any say in Dukat's trial. The Romulan request for an observer had been denied, despite protests.  Martok warned anyone seeking revenge on his side not to. Bajor needed this trial. As the doors slammed  shut, Dukat shouted out one more piece of venom.

"Savor your victory, while you can! I may have spared Bajor once, but my patience is worn through, children!"

Inside the holosuite-cell, Dukat was surprised to feel a buzz, and then nothing. He thought that his captors had meant to "accidentally" electrocute him. But all he saw was an elderly human woman sitting with a Terran Canine, watching a crude video monitor. He saw that she was wearing broad-rimmed spectacles, and that her face almost seemed to be hanging off of her. She responded to his presence.

"Why, Magic, look! Its Gul Dukat!"

Obviously, "Magic" was the canine's name. Dukat assessed the situation. He clapped.

"Oh, Bravo, Captain Sisko, Colonel Kira! You mean to "enlighten" me through the simple things like sitting with this dear woman. Now, the monster will see good people being happy, and regret his life of sin and war. Well, here's news from the front. The only lives I regret are the ones I let you keep! By the way, COLONEL, did I mention that I knew your mother YEARS earlier than I told you? Didn't you wonder why you and Ziyal got along so well? Sisters will tend to do that!"

Dukat imagined Sisko holding an enraged Kira back. The holo-woman grabbed a hold of Dukat's vest.

"Madam! I'll thank you not to do that! In fact, I insist you not!"

"Oh, Gul Dukat! This dull Cardassian uniform won't do! Here! Try some Old Navy summer sweats!"

To Dukat's shock, he was suddenly redressed in an orange cotton jumpsuit. The woman turned to the Dog.

"Magic! Old Navy has saved the day again! Old Navy! Old Navy!"

The dog barked.

Dukat then found himself at the top of a hill on skis, inbetween two other people. The man spoke.

"Hi, Gul! I'm George! Old Navy! Old Navy!"

"And I'm Louise! Prepare to lose, Dukat! Old Navy! Old Navy!"

"I--I can't lose! I have a large Dominion fleet on the other side of the wormhole!"

The scene shifted. There was Dukat's lost daughter, Ziyal, sitting romantically with his arch-enemy, Elim
 Garak. Even as a hologram, he would not tolerate this insult.

"Get away from my daughter, Garak!"

"Dukat! Our differences mean nothing anymore! Now, I'm just happy to be a seamster helping to make
 these wonderful clothes for Old Navy! Old Navy!"

  "Yes, Father! Besides, I'm pregnant! We are going to name our child--Magic! Old Navy! Old Navy!"

A blonde human female appeared. Dukat actually found this particular Terran female attractive. But she droned on like the others.

"Great news, Ziyal! Your child will never go cold in the new Old Navy infants line, The Obsidian Special Order! Old Navy! Old Navy!"

The elderly woman with the draining voice returned.

"Why, Magic! It seems that Old Navy has brought a happy ending beyond The Final Frontier! Old Navy! Old Navy! Old Navy! Old Navy!"

As each of them kept chanting those same two words over and over again, an enraged Dukat went to ram the walls of his holosuite cell. All would pay for this indignity, particularly Sisko. To his shock--he passed right through. He saw Bashir on the Promenade, attending to--someone. No one seemed to notice him.

"Damn the Jem'Hadar! Did they think we were bluffing about the toxin? It prevented a transporter lock, and caused every last molecule to seize up. I'm sorry, Kira, but they'll be no trial. Gul Dukat is dead!"

"Julian, the only tears I'll shed will be for those deprived of a trial and justice. This will have to do. Stand back."

When Bashir did, Kira scanned the body, and, satisfied it was real, destroyed it in front of a horrified Dukat's eyes. He knew this might be just another hologram, but it was a damned good one. He ran back to his holosuite, hoping to goad his tormentor into giving the reality away.

"Come, come, people! I've destroyed enemies with FAR more inventive tortures than simu-death! Show some originality! Colonel, did I mention my favorite part of your Mother's body?"

"That's not important now, Dukat!"

The grim, determined look on the holo-Kira's face told him she was there in spirit. He had her.

"Then whatever IS important, Colonel?"

Her looks brightened.

"Why, these new Bajoran Vedek uniforms from Old Navy! Old Navy!"

Behind a counter, Quark was doing a bumper business selling the clothing.

"One can't help but make a Profit while selling Old Navy! I even like seeing Ferengi females in it! Old Navy! Old Navy!"

  Now, Sisko spoke, with a female Starfleet Captain beside him.

"Captain Janeway and her crew came back all the way from the Delta Quadrant just to try the gear from Old Navy sportswear!"

"Why, Captain Sisko! This comfortable wear could even make Neelix look cool!"

Again, the elderly woman.

"Well, Magic! I guess the Alpha Quadrant has been assimilated by Old Navy! Old Navy! Old Navy! Old Navy!"

As the chant continued, ad infinitum, Dukat saw everyone he had ever known join in the droning words. In the background, he saw the baleful red eyes of the Pagh Wraiths, being punished along with him. But he was still not convinced.

"Oh, please! I don't buy a bit of it! Give me one good reason to think I'm truly dead and condemned!"

"Magic, look! Barney's here!"

A purplish, soft looking Sauroid walked up and embraced Gul Dukat.

"From now on, you and I are gonna be special friends, Dukey! I Love You, You Love Me, we both Love our Old Navy! Old Navy! Old Navy! Old Navy!"

As the chant went on, a voice of the eternally damned cried out from the depths of Hell itself.