(Directly after the events of "Revelations")Duncan: Listen, Methos. You and Cassandra may be done for now, but if there was ever anything there, she'll come around - it may be in 6997, you understand, but she will come around.
Methos: Interesting theory, Macleod! Why don't we flash forward and find out if you're correct!
Duncan: We can't do that! We can only flashback!
Methos: Oh, don't be a stick-in-the-mud! Let's go!
Duncan: Methos, don't..........
THE YEAR 6997
THE FUTURE - OR SOMETHINGQuentin: But If I have their knowledge, then why....
Ramirez: You have their knowledge, but not their wisdom! That will only come when...
Duncan: AAAAAAHHHHHHH! METHOS! You bloody fool! You've flashed us forward into that animated Nightmare!
Methos: Oh, God, Duncan! I didn't mean to! I'll-I'll take us back! (They disappear)
Quentin: Ramirez! Who were they?
Ramirez: That, my young Highlander, is something you will have to learn for yourself, on the road to stopping Kortan's rule!
Quentin: The road to stopping Kortan's rule?
Little Sister: The Road to Stop Kortan?
All together: "Oh, we're on the road to Stop Kortan....We certainly Do Get Arouuuuound! Boom-chekee-boom-chekee-boom!"
STILL NOT THE PRESENT
(WELL, TECHNICALLY THIS IS THE 5TH SEASON, BUT, LIKE, ITS THEIR PRESENT, OK? ONLY IT'S NOT. STILL.)
Methos: Mac, is it me, or has the cinematography level gone up?
Duncan: Look at that red sky! My God, we could never afford an SPFX like that!
Methos: Red Sky?
Duncan: RED SKY?
Together: WE'RE IN THE 2ND MOVIE! AAAAAAAAAARRRRRGGGGH!
Old Connor: Will you two keep it down? We're trying to ruin a perfectly good franchise here!
Together: Too Late!
(From out of the sky come Katana's warriors, looking to finish Connor)
Bird-thing: Ah, quality meat!
Korda: Tastes so sweet!
(Duncan takes one of the bird-things, and raps its soundly on its bald pate, slapping it hundreds of times. It tries to walk away, but Duncan follows, continuing to slap his bald head)
Korda: Say! You can't do that!
(Korda tries to take a swipe at Macleod, but only manages to rip off the dress of Connor's girlfriend. Upset, she hits him with her purse. As he tries to run, she continues to hit him, no matter how fast he runs)
Old Connor: Hey, watch it! I need those guys to move the plot along!
Methos: Why? None of this ever happened!
Old Connor: Oh, that's it! Put em' up!
(Methos and Old Connor shadow-box one another, in an awkward motion. Methos then spins his right arm like a clock, distracting Connor, who he clocks with his left.)
Duncan: Methos, its gotten worse!
(Out walks a middle-aged, chubby Englishman wearing small spectacles)
Benny Hill: Alright, folks! We've had a lovely show! Them Immortals sure can dance! Now, the lovely Hill's Angels would be out now, but (Holds up about 15 bathing suits) HA! They've nothing to wear! Not a lot of people know that!
(At that, 15 very upset quite naked young women walk out and start pummeling Benny; They continue to do so, using him as the ball for their nude volleyball tournament. Lucky for him, Benny has become a plastic dummy)
Methos: Macleod, they're starkers!
Duncan: Methos, these aren't the Eurominutes! Get us out of here!
(They vanish)
SEPTEMBER, 1966-BC
Duncan: Where are we now?
Methos: We're at a beach-house that Kronos, Silas, Caspian, and myself shared in the negative 1960's. Oh, those were grand times. The landlord always threatening to throw us out, us always scamming for gigs, killing who we could for bread. It was a groovy scene, Man!
Duncan: Methos, why are we here?
Methos: Wait, Man. Me and the guys are outside, singin' our war song! Listen!
The Horsemen: "Here We Come--Ridin' Down The Hill---We Get The Funniest Looks From--Everyone We Kill---Hey, Hey, We're The Horsemen---And People Say We're Horsin' Around---But We're Too Busy Slayin'---To Put Anybody Down---We're Just Tryin' To Be Ruthless--So Come And Watch Us Cleave and Flay--Cause' We're The First Generation--And We Got Somethin' To Say--Hey, Hey, We're The Horsemen--You Never Know Where We Will Strike--So You Better Get Ready--We Might Put You Upon Our Pike!"
Duncan: All four of you! Listen, Methos, we have to find a temple and lay low til we can get ourselves home!
(Methos merely shakes his head)
Methos: "Oh, I could hide-Neath the shade of Holy Ground, As We Wait--The Gathering Alarm would never ring--Oh, but it rings, I hit the floor---Clean the bone off of my sword--and take care of some errands and things---Cheer up, Duncan M-Oh, what can it mean--To A –Highland Immortal- And a Killing Machine- You once thought of me- As this nice little fellow- Now you know how vicious-I can be-And it has you seeing Red- Soon you'll chop off Richie's head-And for one season more, you'll be King;Cheer Up, Duncan M, oh what can it mean, to a -Highland Immortal-and a once former fieeeennd! (Applause)
(Outside, younger Methos is talking with Kronos)
Kronos: What do you see in that Nothing, Cassandra!
Methos: Oh, you wouldn't understand. The only one you love is Mistress Death.
Kronos: Aye, mightily do I love her. Before her, I was nothing!
Methos: And What Are You now?
Kronos: "I thought War was only true in history books; Fought by someone else but not by me; Thugs were out to get me; That's the way it lead; Pretty soon it seemed they'd have my head; Then I saw her Face;
Now I am a Reaver;
Not a trace; Of Mercy In Me; I'm in love; I am a Reaver; and I would
cleave her, if I died; I thought Pain was more or less a given thing;
But it seemed the more I stabbed; the less I shot; What's the use in
killing; In Greece or in Spain; Or even on the Serengeti Plain; Then I
saw her face; Now I am a Reaver; Not a trace; Of Conscience in Mind; I'm
a Thug: and I am a Reaver I couldn't leave her; she would
cry..(Applause)Duncan: (Holds his sword to present Kronos' throat) If they start on "Pleasant Valley Sunday", then I-WILL-KILL-YOU!
Methos: Don't be absurd! Pleasant Valley wasn't even founded til Ramses
III, Macleod!(They vanish)
September 21, 1998 -AD
Duncan: Are We Back?
Methos: Almost. We slipped up by one and one half-years.
Duncan: Close enough. After all, what could happen in 18 months that would be so horrible?
Methos: I've been around, and the answer to that is simple: Absolutely nothing!
(In walks Amanda)
Amanda: Hey, guys! I thought you two were off searching for Connor!
(Both men go to speak, but notice - to their Horror - That Amanda has CHANGED!)
D and M: AAAAAAAARRRRRRGGGGHHHH! WHIIIIITE HAIRRRRRRR!!!!!!!!!!!!
(As the two men jump through the window to escape, their screams fill the night air)
Amanda: Hey, guys! You dropped ----your book. "How To Travel Through Time". Cool. I should try this. After all, where's the harm? (The lights dim, and we pull away from Amanda)
Rod Serling: Submitted for your approval. A parody with no specific theme. An effort to gain attention by a would-be writer whose "Star Trek vs. King Ghidorah" fanfic isn't going very well, and needs some ego padding. Well, he won't get it here. Alt.Twilight.Zone already rejected this mess. Although, I do have to concede, that white hair does make me wanna puke AAAAARRGGHHHHH! (Jumps Through The Window)
Amanda: (Shaking her head, quite upset) I'm - I'm not changing it back! I mean it! Really! I'm not kidding! (Looks In The Mirror) See, its not all that...AAAAAAARRRGGH! (Jumps)
A COWARD ENDURES A THOUSAND DEATHS, BUT AMANDA SHOULD HAVE DYED ONLY ONCE