(TV host Allen Funt steps out before the audience)

AF : Hi, Folks, and welcome to another edition of Candid Camera, where Immortals are caught in the act of being themselves. Let's get right to today's first stunt.

(We see Glenfinnan, 1618)

AF : Connor Macleod has just been wounded unto death. Let's watch his
village's reaction.

1st man : Aye, if Connor gets up from this, it'll be God's own miracle!

2nd man : He's healing a might. Heaven smiles upon us.

Woman : I'd want to marry such a reborn man as that.

(Cut back to Funt)

AF : Now, this scene was just a little TOO peaceful for my taste. Watch what happens to these local yokels when we, ignoring all time, place, common sense, and decency, bring in the wizards from Industrial Light And Magic.

(A red, horned demon appears in Glenf.)

ILM Demon : I am come for my servant, Connor Macleod! Has my dark power revived him yet? If not--feed him your youngest children!

(Cut to scene of Connor pleading as he is banished)

AF : Boy, the look on his face. Now, again ignoring all temporal laws, we flash back to Rome, 44 BC. The Horsemen just killed Caesar, initiating a civil war. What a triumphant moment for these dark riders. But Methos made the mistake of riding to accept Gaul's surrender. That left Kronos alone--with us. Watch the wacky mayhem.

(Rome, Kronos gestures)

K : You! Have you seen Methos?

AF : Welllll.....he did mention something to me.

K : Out with it!

AF : He kind of said that riding with you had become boring. He left you.

K : Whaaat? How could he betray me like that? Tell me where he is, if you value your life!

(Cut back to stage)

AF : Well, HE was plenty ticked, lemme tell ya. So see what we did next.

(Kronos enters Greek tomb)

K : Brother! Oh, BROTHER!!! Methos, I know you're in....was that a door closing?

(Back to stage)

AF : We're not even really sure how long he was in that tomb! Are we wild tonight or what? Finally, we implanted a post-hypnotic suggestion in Duncan Macleod that makes him, in ambiguous situations, spare people he shouldn't. Here it is :

(We see Duncan in various HL scenes)

DM : Keogh, you stalked that girl until you caused her death, and I've a feeling its not the first time. Now--get on out of here!

DM : Kristin, I just can't kill a woman, except for Nefetiri and that lady killing the right-wing maniacs, and Amanda if I thought she was in something bad, and....

DM : You know, Felice Martins, I have a feeling that you might come after me again. Eh--That's Life.

DM: Yes, you've become a reckless drug addict and killed hundreds by unbuckling roller coaster restraints. But you're good people.

(Stage)

AF : Ha-Ha! That's almost as good as that punker haircut we convinced The Kurgan to get right before his untimely demise. Well, that's all we have for tonight, folks. Be here next week when Tessa leaves Duncan, fakes her death--and comes back as an actress impersonating herself! And I'd like to thank tonight's audience from The Kimmortality Society. Heh. Wonder what that's about?

(Kronos and Kurgan step from behind the curtain; Funt gulps)

Kurgan : To quote the great Kubrick.....

Kronos :....methinks its time for a little ultra-violence!

(They wave at audience as a pleading Funt is dragged off)