"Who can cut a head off with her smile? Who can take a nothing scam; And get Macleod in above his head?; Well, its you, Girl, and you should know it; With each duel and every little Quickening; You show it ; The Game is all around; No need to chase it; You can have the Prize; Why don't you claim It; Only one can make it after all; Only one can make it after all!" ( Amanda throws her hat into the air; An old woman in the background looks at her disapprovingly; Amanda gives chase with her sword)
( We go to WJM News, Minneapolis. In walks the perky Amanda Richards. She's independent-at 1000 years old she's still not married. As she enters, she sees her coworker, Newswriter Gavin Macleod of the Clan Macleod-who lives in the same apartment building as Amanda)GAVIN: Hey, Mand. How're ya doin? How'd your date last night go?
AMANDA: Oh, all right-I guess. Mmm-Gavin, can I-ask you something?
GAVIN: Oh, Mand. You can ask me anything.
AMANDA: Would you try to duel a girl on your first date?
GAVIN: Except that.
A: Oh, c'mon, Gavin. Just tell me.
G: Well, if you must know, when Marie and I first met, we--dueled-but neither of us were very good at it. The park where we dueled had more decapitated pigeons than any you've ever seen. Why'd you ask?
A: Weeellll, I met this cute guy-Xavier St. Cloud-and he said he wanted to see if I was a worthy opponent-but, you know, my salad was wilting, and you know how I like a good salad!
G: Yeah, I know! Last time we had to fight it out for the bleu cheese!
A: Oh, I'm sorry about that, Gavin. Your arm took a whole two days to mend. I just get-ya know, crazy. That's me-crazy Amanda!
G: Uh, Mand. Listen-two things about dating. One, St. Cloud uses gas to knock out and finish his prey-doesn't believe in the rules.
A: The small r rules, or the Big R Rules?
G: Well, really, none of them. I mean, he almost tried to challenge me and Marie at our wedding! I had to agree when Queen Victoria said later on that we shouldn't have invited him.
A: Oh, Gavin. On Holy Ground? What's the second thing?
G: Weeeellll, Mand-you know how Marie likes to play matchmaker—
A: Uh-uh! NO! Not a chance! Gavin---You know how I hate I blind dates!
G: Look, Mand. Two of my kinsmen are coming into town-I haven't seen them since-oooh, The Long Island Incident.
A: I'd heard of that. What exactly happened?
G: Well, my one cousin-I forget which-was fighting the Kurgan, and he got a good whack.
A: Finish him?
G: Oh, yeah. I mean, he killed the Kurgan, but his Quickening was so powerful-my cousin-well-
A: GAVin!
G: He started shouting at the top of his lungs : "I am the last! I am the last!" Then, for the next 3 months, he thought he was a scientist in 2024 who had to fix the ozone layer!
A: Gee, he sounds....intriguing.
G: Oh, he is, Mand. I mean, he fixed my air conditioner-not so you'd notice.
A: Gavin, you'll have to tell Marie...
G: And here's a picture of my other cousin!
A: ( Eyes wide open, holds the picture from different angles) He's----acceptable. Extremely----acceptable. Absolutely, positively, THE Most----acceptable---person I've seen in some time.
G: So do you accept?
A: I don't know, Gavin, blind dates...
Voice: YOOOHHOOOOO!
( In walks Rebecca Lindstrom, Amanda's teacher. Time has not dulled her warrior skills but it has made her very annoying)Rebecca: Hi-hi, Gavin. Hi, Amanda, I- oh, Amanda-please tell me you're NOT wearing that tonight.
A: Well, Rebecca, I thought I might break with tradition and wear pajamas tonight!
R: But, Amanda, tonight's my self-help group "Immies without Prospects"- dear, you do know that your prospects of finding someone statistically went down after you turned 1200?
G: Oh, 1200, is it?
A: REBECCA!
R: Oh, oh, oh my! I meant 1000! Silly me! I meant 1000! I'm 1200!
G: Rebecca, you have calluses older than that!
R: Sweet Gavin, sweet, sweet Gavin. Sweet bald Gavin! So, Amanda-are you coming?
G: She can't, Rebecca! She's going out with my cousin tonight-aren't you, Amanda?
( Amanda smiles sheepishly as we fade out)(Pick up again in Amanda's apartment. Amanda's sarcastic best friend, Tessa Morgenstern, has been roped in to be the second date. )
Tessa: Hey, Mand. Do I look puffy in this? My ma said I looked puffy.
A: No, you don't, Tessa. Besides, your mother isn't that bad!
T: Only a woman who doesn't have a mother would say that Ida Noel Morgenstern wasn't all that bad!
( Knock on the door; But its not Amanda's date; Its her boss, Lou Dawson)
A: Oh, Mr. Dawson.
LD: Hello, Amanda. Tessa.
T: Hey, Lou. How's the Peeping-Tom business?
LD: It would go a lot better if I could ditch Ted Horton. Look, Amanda I need to talk with you about him. Keep him on track. If he screws up tonight, I'm walking in there, and decapitate him!
A: But Mr. Dawson, Ted Horton's not immortal!
LD: I know he's not. I just wanna do it on principle! Let me check his progress ( Turns on her TV)
Ted Horton: Hi, folks, Ted Horton, here with the news. Wheat prices took a startling tumble as lightning from Quickenings enhanced production. And, on the lighter side, the decapitated body of Slan Quince washed up on shore...
LD: THAT MORON! We all took a sacred oath never to speak to anyone about Watchers or Immortals-A sacred oath, Amanda!
A: But, Mr. Dawson, you tell people about you and us all the time!
LD : That's different-I hate oaths. Well, I better head down to WJM and deny the news again.If Ted weren't my brother-in-law...( Leaves)
Tessa: Hey, Mand. Do I really fit well in this?
A: For pity's sake, I already told you yes!
T: Alright, calm down. Some of us don't keep those cheerleader looks for a millennium, ya know!
A: Oh, Tessa! I was never a cheerleader! I was a comfort girl for the Crusaders!
T: I stand corrected. ( Knock on door)
Duncan: Hi, I'm Gavin's kinsman. Are you Tessa Morgenstern?
T: I'll be Joan Of Arc if you want me to!
D: Oh, don't, please. She wasn't all that hot! ( He laughs, and Tessa laughs with him. Tessa quickly realizes this is Amanda's date. Amanda is in the next room. Tessa thinks quickly)
T: Hey, Mand! Our dates are here! Yours is uh-coming up now! ( She pushes a confused Duncan out before he can react)
A: Ok, heeerrre's Amanda! ( She comes out looking absolutely stunning; Standing there is Connor; He has a look to him that suggests maybe The Long Island Incident is not quite behind him)
Connor: ( Embraces her heartily ) Oh, Ramirez, my old friend! You're alive! ALIVE!
A: ( Looks up at the ceiling ) Tesssaaaa!
MEOW!