(Be'lanna is talking to Janeway; The Captain nods her head)

Janeway: Its not just the Maquis, Lieutenant. Many Starfleet officers are questioning my choice. Some think we'll never get back. I'm considering allowing colonization of a suitable world by those who feel as you do. No hard feelings. But I need everyone heading in one direction.

Torres: But I don't know that I feel that way, Captain. The Array, yes, that bugs me. But then there's Seska, and the thought of never even knowing how the Cardassian situation turns out.

Janeway: Sounds like you need to make a choice.

Torres: You know, Admiral Kor was heard to say that the day he met Captain Kirk, he knew then and there the path his life would take.

Janeway: He had that catalystic nature.

(Captain walks off)

Torres: I need a Kirk of my own.

(Goes onto holodeck)

Torres: Random program...just pick anything

(50-ish music starts; Be'lanna stares up in wonder as Kirk descends in movie uniform; Surrounding him are two TOS Yeomans)

Kirk: Your heritage made you sad;
A Klingon not so bad;
Most messed up hybrid character since Spock;
your rebellion is all back home
You may as well be in Nome;
You can't even play tag with Feddy ships

Academy Drop-Out
No Kobayashi Sim for you
Academy Drop-Out
Blew the warp core and wormholes too
Well at least you have a character that's different from Keh'lyr;  But
you better clean your act up before Janeway is your jailer!

Better start home now
The Maquis were just a subplot you see
What were you hoping?
Its slingshots vs. UFP;
If you take the Chief Engineer's post; You can play the Delta Beat;
Can the militia stuff and go back to Starfleet

(Kirk and the Yeomans float around; Be'lanna watches in wonder)
 
Kirk: Academy Drop-out
Wondering why Seska pulled her crap
Academy Drop-out
Fighting against her other half
Well you thought you had it figured out
You couldn't be embarrassed; But only dead folks haven't seen you making
eyes at Paris
Warrior let it go
You aren't meant for hit and run
Call off the blood-feud
You're stuck here; So have some fun
Now your ex-CO's bland; Your ship's been canned;
Your best friend lived on Cardie Street;
So calm that divided soul and go back to Starfleet;

(Now stands up as he sings; Arms wide)

Be'lanna don't ignore me;
Much as do the Powers That Be
Be'lanna his hormones; Explain your lame cousin's bigotry

Now I've told you well;
Get through this no-win Hell;
Go now and spar with Tommmmm;

(Floats away)

I gotta make promos for Priceline-dot-com!

Academy Drop-Out--Go-Back-To-Starfleet

(She leaves; Feeling giddy; Runs up to the Bridge)

(Doors open)

Torres: Guess what, everybody? Captain Kirk just sang to me and told me that I should choose Starfleet! And then I checked and found his program wasn't even in the holodeck, so it must have really been him after all!

(3 days later ; Sickbay)

EMH: Now, Repeat After Me....

(A disgusted  Be'lanna is in a straightjacket)

Torres: Captain James T. Kirk died in 2294 aboard The Enterprise-B. Captain Kirk died in 2294 aboard The Enterprise-B. Kirk died in 2294
aboard The Enterprise-B....

(In Janeway's quarters)

Janeway: That's good, Doctor. I hope she feels better soon. (Signs off) What in blazes made her see Kirk? I'd just as soon see home....

(Kirk appears before her; He wears vaguely Irish clothes and a green
hat)

Kirk: How are things in Indiana.....this fine day?
How are things in Indianaaaaaa..........

(Janeway screams)

Janeway: Chakotay! Help me!

Chakotay: (Audio) I can't, Kathryn. He's got me pinned down with
'Indian Reservation' by Paul Revere And The Raiders!

THE END???